Christians are apparently becoming as obnoxious as drunk crazy people on the bus. This morning, on my express bus downtown, I was sitting in standard “Isolated Commuter” mode, with my ipod ear buds in and my face in a book, when I felt a tap on my leg. I looked over at the girl sitting next to me and saw her mouth a question to me. Thinking that perhaps she was a tourist or someone who needed a quick answer, I turned my ipod off, leaving my ear buds in and asked her to repeat her question. “Are you going to school at the UW?,” she asked. I politely replied that I was not a student and turned my face back to my book, but the questions continued. “Do you work?” “Where do you work?” “Are you an actor?” It was then that I noticed the well worn travel bible in her lap. Crap!
By the way, I know that the Bible has thousands of pages and really small print, but don't these people ever get tired of JUST reading ONE book? I mean, Charles Dickens wrote some pretty good stuff.
Her barrage of questions continued. As the bus pulled onto the express lane, I realized I was in for the long haul and put my book away and took out my ear buds. She asked me if I'd ever traveled. When I mentioned Holland, a euphemism for “I got fucked up in Amsterdam”, she was at a loss. “What's in Holland?” I was tempted to answer her questions with 100% disclosure to piss her off, but opted for the route of seeming as boring as possible to get her to leave me alone. I told her about the Van Gough and Anne Frank museums, both of which I'd skipped in favor of debauchery. In fact, the only museum Faye and I visited in Amsterdam was the Sex Museum. We were high as kites as we walked around giggling about erect cocks throughout history. I did not tell this to the Little Missionary That Could. She told me that she'd been to Rome to follow the life of Paul. She asked me if I was familiar with the Apostle, Paul. I told her I was, hoping she would peg me as already converted and shut up. But nay. She GRABBED MY LEFT HAND and said “No ring, I see. Not married?” I confirmed her obnoxious observation. “How old are you?” I told her. “Do you have any children?” I found this to be a strange question coming from a Christian who already knew I wasn't married, but I told her I had no children. “I see,” she responded. “Just staying focused, huh?” WHAAA? What does that MEAN?! Yes. I am unmarried and childless at 28 because I am focused on…preserving my chastity? It does take quite a lot of effort whatwith all of Satans temptations at every turn. She told me that she'd asked if I was an actor because SHE is part of a “Ministry Improv Group” that travels around the state torturing people in schools and prisons. She said she thought I looked “cool” and might be involved in acting. I should have told her that I do dabble in acting and perhaps she's seen one of my films. I played Tittania in “A Midsummer Nights Cream”. Didn't see that one?
We arrived at the first stop downtown and thankfully, her fellow missionaries, littered throughout the coach, no doubt harassing other poor, unsuspecting commuters, told her it was time to depart. With a hopeful look on her face, she asked me if this was my stop. It wasn't, but if it had been, I probably would have stayed on an extra couple of blocks.
Beware of the bible toting young people on the morning commute!
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