my zejom

WEEKEND RECAP

FRIDAY

The weekend kicked off with dinner and cocktails at the Liberty. In attendance were Brugos, Elyse, Booze (who would apparently be disturbed to learn that she is being mentioned in a blog) and Scott. This was a totally different experience than my first one with Meep on a Sunday afternoon. Of course, a Friday will always have a different vibe than a Sunday as far as clientèle and crowd size, but this was also (and perhaps more so) an employee issue.

The sushi chef and waiter were different than the ones Meep and I encountered previously. I ordered the same drink that I had gotten before, but, for some reason, it wasn’t nearly as delicious (partly due to lack of a sugared rim?). The sushi rolls that Brugos and I ordered, whilst still delicious, weren’t presented as fancily. Perhaps these details had something to do with the difference in treatment of two single girls on a Sunday versus a group of mixed gender folks on a Friday. Regardless, it was a bit disappointing.

Things only got more uncomfortable as our waitress’ demeanor was slightly odd. She seemed like she had never waited tables before and was extremely nervous about it. She was meek and forgot drink orders repeatedly. Still, she carried a certain charm in her shyness. And she seemed to appreciate the fact that every time she came to our table, we were talking about something weirder. We also had a little drink mishap wherein the drink that Booze ordered (being the same drink that she had just gotten and liked) tasted different, and not at all pleasant. We passed the drink around and confirmed: it was gross. Scott remarked, with the waitress present, that it tasted like baby aspirin. The waitress thought he had said “baby ass”. Luckily, she seemed to find that funny, and not at all disturbing that this man might know what baby ass tastes like.

The small space began to fill up and, by 9, there were groups of people playing table vulture. Our couch spot was much coveted, but we were just about done anyway. A new waitress arrived on the scene. Unlike our cute and sensibly dressed shy waitress, this new blonde girl wore a ridiculously short shirt which would make it impossible for her to daintily lean down to take the orders of people sitting on couches. She, clearly believing herself to be super hot, didn’t seem bothered by this. She helped clear our table and asked Scott if he would like another beer. He said no thank you and she respondede with a bitchy smile with what I SWORE sounded like “good”. What the fuck? I asked Scott if she had just said “good”. It was loud in there so he wasn’t sure. However, after we had settled the bills with our shy little muffett, the blonde bitch (who Booze and I had just witnessed making a BIG show up putting her long, flowy hair in a ponytail), came up to us to collect our bills. “Are we all set here?” she asked. We said yes. This time, in NO uncertain terms, she flashed her cunty little smile at us again and said “good”. It occurred to me then that she was taking over the shift and knew that she wouldn’t be collecting the tip from us, so she wanted us out of her section ASAP. But she shouldn’t make it THAT obvious to people who may, one day, be in her section and responsible for her tip. Needless to say, I won’t be spending a lot of time in that place on a Friday or Saturday. Sunday is the way to go.

After we vacated the Liberty, the Boobergs and I crashed a birthday party for one of Brugos’ friends at the Canterbury. The birthday girl was extremely drunk. I’d never met her before, but she apparently felt it was her duty to mention the fact that she caught Brugos leaving Capital Hill at 7:30am on a weekday. She didn’t “want to get [him] in trouble” though. She mentioned it two more times, even after I told her that there was nothing suspicious about this and that the girl she saw him with was most likely me.

T’was the evening of the bitchy blonde waitress. I missed that sweet little blonde waitress with the piercing and said so, realizing after the fact that it made me sound like an 80 year old man. I suppose that wouldn’t be the first time I have sounded as such.

SATURDAY

I spent most of the day getting ready for the Hovelwarming: Two trips to Safeway, one trip to Walgreens, one trip to the liquor store and one trip to the party store on 15th. (Thanks to the ailing Meep for accompanying me on errands). This was followed by a good cleaning of the apartment. Of particular note, I used TWO lint rollers in their entirely in order to clean all of Tobe’s hair off the couch. And this was AFTER I vacuumed it. Note to self: invest on a cream-colored couch cover and pillow set ASAP. Or shave Tobe.

I then started in on the baking. I finished decorating the Triscuits with easy-cheese just as the first guest arrived.

The party was a lot of fun. And most of you should know as you were there. Thanks to the Boobergs for the truly lovely orchid (my first plant in the new place…god, I hope I don’t kill it) and to Meep for the AWESOME framed picture of my sweet little Tobe. Thanks Borg for the long-coveted costume dress (which I can only hope looks at hot on me as it did on Borg). Thanks, Ahe for the gourmet boxed wine and to Howland for the traditional Franzia variety. I now have enough cheap wine and beer in my apartment to last at LEAST a week.

The only awkwardness occurred when LITERALLY everyone I work with arrived. They had been drinking since noon. They were in frat mode. They didn’t mesh with my other guests. They also may have pissed off my neighbors when they loudly shotgunned several beers out back. Note to self: keep co-workers and friends separate when’ere possible. Further note: hide rubber novelty dildos when boss is in apartment, for he will surely chase the receptionist with said novelties.

The evening finished out with Sherwood, Borg, Howland and me enjoying the cool night air in the parking lot and debating not whether or not the destruction of humanity will occur, but when and how. It looks grim, but if I find myself at the end of the world with similar company, I won’t complain.
SUNDAY

Something compelled to wake up early and clean. Perhaps it was the knowledge that I had a bit of a search on my hands for all the kitchen objects that my boss and the intern had decided to hide the previous night. Perhaps it was the dips and hors de’ oeuvres festering in the kitchen. Regardless, I was quite proud of myself when, an hour later, the only evidence of a raging party sat in 3 bags of recycling. If I can keep up this kind of compulsive cleanliness, I might actually be mistaken for an adult.

Brugos joined me for breakfast, after which we hit the road to seek out the ultimate mini-golf experience. This experience was found at Parkland Putters in Tacoma. It was a lovely day to be outside. With 4 courses to choose from, we ventured the “wild and hilly” course. It was indeed challenging, but we welcomed it. And we each scored a hole-in-one during the course. We received ribbons to commemorate our competition. Brugos was sported the blue and I the red, but it was a close game. Besides, everyone knows that first place is second loser. NO FEAR!

We wanted to do a little T-Town karaoke but had hours to kill before this would happen, so we decided to fill our bellies and hang out at Point Defiance for a bit. We lunched at El Toro (not the one that Meep and I used to frequent, since that one was reduced to ash and rubble in a fiery inferno, along with our dreams and innocence), grabbed delicious Antique Sandwich Company milkshakes and snagged a nice little spot on the world’s softest grass on which to digest.

After that, we wandered around Never Never Land, Fort Nisqualy, and the waterfront, before heading to Bob’s Java Jive to await the karaoke.

Bob’s Java Jive is the very definition of a punk rock dive bar. Why there isn’t a place like that in Seattle is beyond me. Brugos pointed out that were a punk rock dive bar that had a smoking patio and karaoke 7 nights a week in Seattle; it would have been packed with people, even on a Sunday. In Tacoma, however, the place was empty. Eventually, the DJ showed up. Brugos and I were the only people in attendance who weren’t close personal friends of the Java Jive. The song selection was pretty good and there were definitely some unusual selections available. We were kind of nervous to be singing at what essentially felt like a private party that we were crashing. They didn’t seem to thrown by our presence though. Twice when Brugos was up, the ENTIRE room (which was only 4-5 people) went outside for a smoke. This included the DJ.

Before we knew it, it was 11:45 and, this being a school night, DEFINITELY time to hit the road. Since it was late Sunday night, we assumed that I-5 would be empty and that we would be home in no time. Dead wrong. Apparently, some genius decided that Sunday night was the perfect time to reduce I-5 from 4 lanes to ONE. Very frustrating. This was compounded by the fact that we both had to pee. Eventually, the merging was complete, we had peed, and traffic was moving normally. But it was well after 1am by the time I was snug in my bed. Amazingly, I am only HALF a zombie today.

SXSW Part 4

SXSW Part 4

SATURDAY

Brugos and I met downtown and sought out an entire set of The Research. Despite technical difficulties on the part of the keyboardist, I thought they were really good. If a shitty show is that much fun, imagine how great they are when all their equipment is working. It helped that they brought in a cute bohemian girl as a guest vocalist.

We also partook in a free buffet at the venue. More free stuff! This time, my body was overjoyed to be eating free carrots and green beans instead of free booze.

Next we took a long stroll toward the University area to try and find the venue where Matthew Sweet and Susannah Hoffs were to play together. When we got there, it appeared that everything was behind schedule. We figured we had at least an hour to kill, so we walked further into the university area and saw all the vintage shops and super cool college kids.

When we got back, we sat through one more set before Sweet and Hoffs came on. In the meantime, there was plenty of people watching. It was clear that we’d stumbled into the “older person” tent. The older crowd was having a great time, dancing and singing along to the bands. It was kind of a refreshing sight, after having spent a week hanging out with hipsters who don’t smile and insist on wearing black even in hot weather. (And yes, I’m aware that I am one of these people.)

Sweet and Hoffs finally came on to a very receptive audience. They played all covers of 60’s songs including one of my favorites, “Different Drum” (written my Mike Nesmith from the Monkees!).

We were hungry and had our eyes on an Indian restaurant across the street. By the time we got in there, it was very full and there was a 45 minute wait for a table, but we were able to finagle our way into the bar and eat appetizers for dinner.

We headed back downtown to meet Andrew. He was delayed at a wristband party but convinced us to wait for him inside the Emo’s Annex, where a band that he really wanted to see was going to be playing later that night. We paid our cover and secured a nice cushy spot on a ledge by the side of the stage. We watched a few really good bands and waited to hear from Andrew. Eventually, he called and told us that he was stuck outside and they weren’t letting anyone else in. This time, there was no Aziz to help us out. I went to talk to him. There was nothing they could do. He didn’t get there in time. He was really pissed that he wasn’t going to get to see I Love You Buy I’ve Chosen Darkness. With a name like that, they HAVE to be good, right? Well, Andrew…you didn’t miss much. The best bands came on before them. By the time they went on, they have been overshadowed by their peers and couldn’t live up to the hype. Brugos and I left after the first song or two, and went to find Justin, who was also stuck outside the tent.

Andrew went back to his VIP situation. Justin, Brugos and I were left to our own devices, and, at that point, there wasn’t really a music venue we could get into, so we went back to the Fox and the Hound. By the time the our first round of drinks came, I realized I was EXHAUSTED and just wanted to go to bed. I tried to drink my drink but I couldn’t do it. Justin, who had been in bed all day, was raring to go. He said he didn’t mind sticking around, though, we our unfinished drinks. So Brugos and I shared a cab to our respective hotels and called an end to our last night in Austin.

SUNDAY

The next morning, Justin, Brugos and Andrew convened at my hotel (Jacob had gone home the previous morning). I checked out and we got some breakfast at the Star Seeds café next door.

I took advantage of access to proper grits. Meanwhile, Andrew and Brugos both ordered something called the A-Bomb. From what I could tell, the A-Bomb consisted of two English muffins topped with scrambled eggs, sausage, and queso. It was HUGE and very daunting. Andrew’s was heavy on the queso, while Brugos’ appeared to be heavy on the egg. Either way, finishing it might have killed them. But somehow it didn’t. Justin and I were not able to join the clean plate club that day.

We had a few hours to kill before we needed to get to the airport, so we decided to call a cab to take us to a multiplex. We were going to see Dave Chappelle’s Block Party. Our cab driver dropped us off, and offered to come back and get us after the movie to take us to the airport. It was only 11:30 at the time and the movie didn’t start till after noon, so we dragged our luggage around the deserted strip mall in search of coffee for Andrew. Multiple buffet options they had. Coffee, they did not.

When we got back to the theatre, it was open. They let us stash our luggage in the box office. At the last minute, we forfeited laughter for the option of watching people die. We bought 4 tickets to “The Hills Have Eyes”.

There was still time before the movie started, and guess what they had in the lobby…DDR!! The perfect way to burn off the A-Bomb or a plate of fried eggs and grits! I’m sure the employees of the theatre aren’t accustomed to having a group of young adults with suitcases come into their theatre on a Sunday, buy tickets to a horror movie and then play 3 rounds of DDR.

The movie got out a little late. Andrew called out cabbie. I guess he had been there already and waited for us, then drove off. He came back about 10 minutes later. It was 2:20. He said it takes 45 minutes to an hour to get to the airport. Our plane was taking off at 3:53. He told us we might miss it. Andrew and Brugos said we’d be fine. I was worried because I like to worry.

But we were fine. It didn’t take 45 minutes to get to the airport. I don’t know why the guy told us that it did. Maybe he likes to make his passengers sweat. Maybe it was revenge for making him wait. Regardless, we checked in and got to the gate no problem. I even had time to buy a sandwich.

On the first flight we had both Hotchip and the Research. I felt pretty cool to be flying with rock stars.

For some dumb reason, our flight connected in Chicago. When we taxied, the captain told us we weren’t able to get to the gate. The time of our connecting flight drew near and even though it was due to leave from the same gate we were landing in, it seemed like we might miss it.

Andrew and I passed the time by looking at pictures on his camera phone. He also logged onto MSN and sent Sherwood a message saying we were stuck on a plane. This confounded Sherwood, who then texted me on my cell and said “I just got the strangest message from Andrew.”

Eventually, we got to the gate. When we de-boarded, we discovered that not only was our connecting flight delayed, but that it was actually THE SAME PLANE we were just on. It would have been nice to have that information earlier.

On the flight from Chicago to Seattle, Andrew was kind enough to share his video I-Pod with me. We watched several episodes of Futurama, the Apache video, the first 10 min of Rear Window and half a Seinfeld episode before the battery died. Unfortunately, there was still quite a bit of time left in the flight. Andrew nodded off. Brugos was a row up and over and asleep. I cursed people who are able to sleep on planes and then I restlessly took to my puzzle book. And for some reason, the grumpypuss stewardess didn’t want me to have any water.

We finally landed in Seattle, were picked up by Andrew’s lovely friend Libby and home we went to sleep and prepare ourselves to come back to reality.

Who wants to go to Austin next year?!

SXSW Part 3

WEDNESDAY

Jacob and I met Brugos, Justin and Cherry at Baby Acapulco’s, a Mexican restaurant by their hotel. I was finally getting my appetite back. The waiter fattened us up with tortilla chips, bringing a second basket when Jacob and I arrived. We had only gotten through half of one basket before they took it away and brought us another one which was OVERFLOWING with tortilla goodness. Out of control. By the time out food got there, we had completely spoiled our appetites, which was too bad because our plates were HUGE. My breakfast quesadilla was THREE LAYERS THICK, and it came with a huge side of beans and potatoes. We ate as much as we could. Luckily, we had a long walk ahead of us to the bus stop. On our way out, Brugos attempted to play a quick game of Star Wars pinball (the original, beyotch!). Sadly, the machine ate his ball, but we were still able to listen to the glorious electronic version of the score.

As we meandered through the suburbs, it amazed all of us that Brugos had been able to find the bus stop to downtown in the first place. Somehow, on his first day, his instincts had led his through twists and turns and down random streets in entirely the right direction.

We stopped briefly at a corner shop so that I could buy new sunglasses and we could all get some water, and then we got our bus which took us down a very cute section of town and through the University.

When we got downtown, Cherry picked up her car and went home to get some sleep.

Jacob, Justin, Brugos and I wandered around downtown looking for some music. We ended up at a place called Headhunters, where we saw several bands both in the upstairs and downstairs section. None of the music was that engaging to me, but I was enjoying just hanging out in a cluttered tiki environment. One of the bands that we saw was made up of ex-member of Nashville Pussy.

At one point the 4 of us became engaged in a video trivia system downstairs. One of the games was a “spot the difference” game featuring half-clad ladies. Even with the 4 of us, we still couldn’t manage to beat the high score. We were able to at least get our name on the high score list though. Team Surf Taco! One word of advice when playing that game: Always start with the boobies.

Next, we headed to the Alamo Downtown to catch a showing of “The Cassidy Kids”. Again, it wasn’t much of a problem for us to all get in. Jacob and I got in first and saved seats for Justin and Brugos. The whole thing was really low pressure. I LOVE this festival.

The movie, however, totally sucked. The script was heavy handed and repetitive. The child acting was rather poor, and the whole thing lasted about 40 minutes longer than it needed to. Still, it’s hard to be TOO upset about a bad movie when you are being served beer whilst watching it.

After the movie, we attempted to meet up with Andrew, Derek & Aiyana, but they were in a venue we couldn’t get into without wrist bands. So instead, we went to the rooftop bar right NEXT to where they were. It was actually the best possible place to be if you couldn’t get into the venue, because we were able to hear the band clear as day. And the super-secret band in question? The Flaming Lips! They opened with a spot on cover of “Bohemian Rhapsody”. We heard another 4 or 5 songs before we had to split to catch a midnight movie.

We went back to the Alamo Downtown to watch “Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon”. It starts off documentary style as an aspiring slasher killer prepares to fulfill his destiny as the next horror legend. It’s a very cleverly scripted, well acted, suspenseful and funny movie. It ended being the best movie we saw at SXSW and I really hope the guys get distribution for it.

After the movie, it was definitely sleepy-time for us.

THURSDAY

While Jacob went off to catch some bands down South Lamar way, I met Brugos downtown. We finally met up with Andrew, Derek & Aiyana at Emo’s. We were able to catch the end of a set by a band that I’d never heard before but REALLY liked, called The Research. They consisted of a girl bass player, girl drummer and guy with a tiny Casio keyboard on his lap. Their songs were light and fun and I really wanted to hear more of them.

We sat in the backyard area of Emo’s at a picnic table and had some refreshing beverages in the sun for a while. Eventually, Derek & Aiyana had plans to catch a band elsewhere. Andrew, Brugos and I attempted to get into the Filter party, but they weren’t letting anyone without a wrist band in. Andrew was nice enough to forgo the party for a while, and went back to the Fox and Hound for drink.

Whilst there, Andrew saw a band that he recognized, called Hotchip, and he said hello. Andrew is such a scenester.

Brugos and I were severely hankering to check out Peter Pan mini golf. It was a really nice day and the timing felt right. Andrew wasn’t into it, so he went back to find Derek & Aiyana, and Brugos and I trekked across the bridge to our mini golf destinies.

Peter Pan mini golf is AWESOME!! First of all, there’s no discernable reason why Peter Pan gets the whole thing named after him, since there’s no theme within the course itself. There’s one hole which features pan, another hole with a nazi pirate and one hole with a VERY small crocodile head, but, as far as I can recall, there were no whales, big red dogs, giant angry bunnies or T-Rexes in Peter Pan. It didn’t matter though. The randomness was part of its charm.

Another part of its charm was the fact that most of the hole involved shooting balls into the mouths of things and having them shoot out what can only be described as their butts. Whoever designed this park had a definite fetish.

It turns out Brugos and I are worthy adversaries in the game of mini golf. I beat him by 1 point the first round, and he barely beat me in the second. And both of us were pretty close to par.

After getting our fill of mini golf, we hopped on the ‘Dillo and met everyone back at Emo’s. We got there just in time to catch the end of an Of Montreal set. Andrew texted Sherwood to tell him that they played an awesome cover of “The Final Countdown”. (Which Brugos and I sadly missed). Sherwood apparently didn’t know who sent him the message so he texted back “Thank you for the information, kind stranger”.

Next on the agenda was to find some dinner. Since we needed to be back by the bridge later that evening for Spoon and Echo and the Bunnymen, we headed toward a sub shop in the area.

On the way, we crossed back over the bridge just in time to see the thousands of bats who dwell underneath, leaving their home for the night to find food. It was really cool looking, but, unfortunately, I was on the wrong side of the bridge to take a picture. The one I took makes them look like birds or a cloud of dust.

At the sub shop, I had the most AMAZING vegetarian chicken sandwich and a piece of carrot cake. I will never forget you, veggie chicken sandwich.

We got to the big outdoor venue in time catch the Spoon set. Cherry, Brugos, Jacob and I got suckered into buying some “alcoholic” frozen drinks for $7 in novelty plastic coconuts. Said drinks were nothing more than frozen Boon’s and it was impossible to finish them. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Brugos took advantage of the free mini Spam burgers from the happy Spam truck. Jacob took off to get a closer look at the stage, and Cherry, Brugos and I rested our barking dogs under a tent.

Echo came on and they sounded really good from where we were sitting. I felt no desire to get closer to the stage. Near the end of the set, we wandered around looking for beer, but could only find bud. Eventually, we settled on Tecates. Jacob appeared and we left during the encore to avoid the crowd.

On our way back across the bridge, I saw what is currently my favorite piece of graffiti ever: “Fuck Ice Cream”. Some poor lactose intolerant person felt the need to express their frustration in permanent maker on a bridge. I feel their pain.

The plan was to meet Justin and Andrew at a show back downtown. Unfortunately, the venue where we were to meet them had become wrist bands only. If we’d gotten there slightly earlier, we probably could have gotten in. Regrettably, Justin had already PAID to get in, and he hadn’t yet met Andrew, who was already in the venue.

I saw this as an opportunity to try and get into the Twilight Singers show. I wasn’t terribly optimistic that we would be able to get in, but I wanted to check out the line, so we headed over there and scoped out the scene.

During the music part of SXSW, there’s a lot of “wait and see” time. We were told that they MIGHT let in 25-30 more non-wristband people if they got the word from on-high to do so. So we waited in line. Meanwhile, Brugos called Justin and told him to hurry up and get to the club. Before long, they started to let us in. Justin was still nowhere to be found and not answering his cell, so Brugos did all he could by texting the word “run”.

We all paid our money, got in, and set about finding a good place to lurk. I got my first bizarre interpretation of a Greyhound of the trip, which featured a cherry. (Later, they mixed it up by putting salt on the rim the cup.) We sat next to a wooden statue of some Robert E. Lee looking dude. Miraculously, Justin WAS able to get in. We found out later that it was an error on the part of the door men because the show was over capacity and the fire chief threatened to shut the whole thing down.

Thankfully, that didn’t happen, because the Twilight Singers put on an AMAZING show. Holy shit! I forgot how engaging a musician Greg Dulli is. He’s looking pretty bloated these days, but when he starts singing, he’s still as sexy as ever. I was once again an enraptured 17-year-old girl.

The downside to us being over capacity was that there was NO WAY that Cherry and Justin could go outside for a smoke and get let back in. They overcame adversity, however, when they noticed that members of the band were actually smoking. SO they threw caution to the wind and lit up.

After the show, I saw Greg signing autographs and decided I wanted a picture with the big sweat man. Just as I approached him, he began to head outside. He said he’d take a picture with me if I came outside, so Brugos and I begged the doorman to let us back in after and he agreed. Cherry and Justin were also able to bargain their way outside for a cigarette.

Once outside, Greg seemed very distracted. And by distracted, I mean he was hammered. He was busy hugging people and I felt like an utter tool standing there waiting for him to remember why I was standing there. I gave up and went back inside. But Brugos stayed outside and Cherry eventually got a picture with him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he thought that Cherry and I were actually the same girl.

Back inside the club, the New Amsterdams were setting up. The New Amsterdams are made up of the pussy half of The Get Up Kids. (The rock half went on to form Reggie and the Full Effect). I used to be really into both halves of the The Kids. Turns out, I’m over that. I was SO bored during their set. Cherry and I gabbed loudly through it and annoyed the piss out of Jacob, who actually moved to the other side of the stage to get away from us.

An evil lady came around with free samples of Jack and Coke, which I had the good sense to refuse. It still amazes me how much free stuff was CONSTANTLY being thrown around for the sake of advertising. And how much of that stuff was actually alcohol based. Did I mention I LOVE this festival?

After the show, we headed out into the post-last call infested streets. We lost Justin and had to scout around for him. When we finally found him, he was sitting on a curb, surrounded by newspapers…ASLEEP. I really wish I’d taken a picture before I called out his name. It was so adorably sad looking.

After we woke Justin up, we went on a mission for food. There was a line for the “Best Wurst” which went around the block. I ducked into a convenience store and bought some Chex Mix. Justin and Brugos settled in Gyros.

Fully carbed, we headed to Cherry’s car. Justin said he had to pee and disappeared. Unfortunately, Cherry and I ALSO had to pee, and we weren’t about to follow Justin under a bridge to do so. We hoped he was just on his way back, but 10 minutes later, he was still nowhere to be found. Brugos insisted that we should just leave and he would find his own way. Apparently, this is pretty normal behavior for him.

Just as we were about to pull onto the freeway, Justin called. He had apparently made friends with a hobo under the bridge. I’m thinking of creating a children’s story character based on Justin.

FRIDAY

Cherry picked us all up around 11:30 and we drove to Japanese Garden type venue where were saw an adorable band called Little Brazil. They were serving free beer (some of it green. Happy St. Paddy’s!). It was way too early for beer for me, but Brugos and Justin partook. I saw a guy who, for a while, had me convinced it was Zach Galifianakis. But upon closer inspection, and spy-camera tactics, I realized it was just an indie musician doppelganger. Bummer.

Next, we went back to Headhunters to see a band called Von Iva who Jacob had encountered in San Fran. They were a really rocking all girl band and very animated for so early in the day. Cherry and I each bought a CD and the lead singer said that if we liked the show at 1:30, we should catch them at night because then they would be at 100% capacity.

Jacob had devised a tight schedule for us to follow. But rule #3 of SXSW music fest is to never PLAN on anything. Bands cancel, shows get moved. You can never be sure what’s actually going to happen. Because of that, we rather unexpectedly ended up at the Emo’s Annex, watching Patton and Aziz Ansari doing warm-up bits in between band sets. We got to see Patton do his Black Angus bit, which is NEVER not eye-wateringly funny.

Once again, we lucked into a place right before it was over capacity. Andrew was not so lucky. He really wanted to get in to see the next band. We were already in and ambivalent. Andrew was stuck in a line outside. We planned on leaving which would, hopefully, free up some space for Andrew to get in eventually. But before we left, Cherry and I wanted to introduce ourselves to Aziz and tell him how much we enjoyed his set at Emo’s. He was really nice and made small talk with us. He noted that there were a lot of people stuck in line outside. I agreed and said that my friend Andrew was one of those people and that he really wanted to get in to see the next band. Aziz IMMEDIATLEY volunteered to BRING ANDREW IN THROUGH THE BACKSTAGE ENTRANCE! What?! Seriously?! I just MET you, threw a few compliments your way and you volunteer a favor like that? The Comedians of Comedy are the nicest people on the face of the Earth.

Aziz followed me to the entrance and I pointed out Andrew, who was “the guy in the Ghostbusters t-shirt and aviator glasses” and Aziz went out, grabbed Andrew, and took him around to the back. Unbelievable. I should send that guy a basket of muffins or something.

We had a little time to kill, so we went to find some food. I scored an incredible Portobello and bri burger, and got yet another weird interpretation of a greyhound, this time with a lime.

Next we went to see if the Brian Jonestown Massacre was indeed going to play a show. They weren’t. Our plan B was to catch Clap your Hands Say Yeah. Of course, the line for that was around the block. Jacob was determined to wait in it. The rest of us were kind of restless. First, Cherry, Justin and I wandered around to see if we could get in anywhere else. Justin toted around a rebar that he’d found. Perhaps he had hoped to intimidate someone into letting us in? No such luck. Back in line, we noticed that there was a very large hill above the venue. Even if we couldn’t SEE anything from on the hill, it would be a great place to sit and have a drink while listening to the band. Cherry waited in line with Jacob while Justin, Brugos and I went off to find a liquor store. We bought some champagne and a six-pack of cider and checked back in line. Cherry and Jacob had moved quite a bit, but the door man was saying that they weren’t letting anyone else in. This was our cue to carry on with the Drinking on the Hill Plan. Jacob persisted in waiting in line and the rest of us scouted a way onto the hill. Cherry suddenly realized she was very tired and left us. Justin, Brugos and I found a nice little spot on the hill, waved to Jacob in line, and cracked open some beer. It wasn’t long before other people joined us. Soon, the hill was full of people, and we felt pretty cool for being the pioneers of a really good idea.

Jacob eventually made it in to the venue, but somehow got confused and thought he’d missed Clap Your Hands, so he joined us on the hill. He got there just in time for the unmistakable sounds of CYHSY’s first song. Doh! I think he made the right decision though. The hill was the place to be.

After our hill party, we went to another venue to check out some bands that were on Jacob’s list. The rest of us weren’t feeling any of them though. We stuck it out for as long as we could, before resolving to wander around instead.

We easily snuck into a party at the Speakeasy, a place we’d been briefly a few nights before. We ordered some drinks and killed time on their cushy couches. The plan was to attempt to get into the world premiere of “Slither” at midnight.

But like I said, plans are not easily kept in Austin. As we headed out, I realized I no longer had my cell phone. This was bad. Jacob had left his cell phone in the hotel so the only way I could get ahold of him would be to find him at the movie. But the time we got to the theatre, he had already been let in. There was no way all of us could get in, but I was able to go with my badge (thank god for that) and find Jacob. I told him I’d lost my phone and, even if I could sit down for the movie, I didn’t want to because I’d be worried about my phone the whole time.

As I emerged from the theatre, I saw a familiar face. It was the Creepy Dude who’d kidnapped up in his van! I instinctively changed course, hoping that he wouldn’t see Brugos and Justin, but when I looked back, I saw that he had.

I reluctantly approached the group and said hello to him. He asked me when I’d lost my phone. I could tell he was hoping it had been days ago, thus providing an explanation as to why I hadn’t called. I told him that it was just a few hours ago. He seemed pretty pissed about that. He and Brugos took turns calling my phone while Justin went back to the Speakeasy to ask around in there. Finally, someone answered my phone. They said they were a waiter at Speakeasy and they would hold the phone until we came and got it. Just then, Justin walked around the corner talking into my phone. Silly Justin.

The first crisis was averted, but Creepy Dude wanted to hang out. We said we were tired and were going back to our hotel. He offered us a ride. We said we’d get a cab. He got the hint and angrily walked away. I felt kinda bad, but I wasn’t in the mood to have my urine collected that night.

SXSW Recap Part 2

SUNDAY
Oh we had plans for the day. Such plans. And then we passed Coyote Ugly and two large, bald bouncers pitched us with $2 Bloody Marys. We collected Brugos from his breakfast of Crawfish and resolved to have 1 drink at Coyote Ugly and maybe wander around town before going to see a movie at 4:30.

Jacob put the first round on his card. The bartender told us there was a $10 min so of course that was easily solved by ordering another “quick” round. We took in the décor. The bartender, who’s name was Trish, joked around with us. I never caught the name of the other bartender, but I’ll just call her “Yoko”, on account of her distinctive singing style and generally insanity. Random frat guys came and went, but mostly we had the place to ourselves. One frat guy revealed (or perhaps pretended) that it was his birthday, so Yoko wrote on his back with a Sharpie: “Enter Here” with an arrow pointing to his ass. Every once in a while, the girls would get on the bar and do a choreographed dance to a song. They played ice cube tiddlywinks. Yoko put the mic between her legs, pushed a guy’s face into it and yelled “I taste like Chicken!” She grabbed my camera and took a picture down her shirt and pants. She cut eye and mouth holes in a black plastic bag and put it on her head. She pranced around on a hobby horse. She put the bag ON the hobby horse and pranced around some more. It was a never-ending circus of crazy hot chicks and somehow we found round after round in front of us. Somewhere around the 4th drink, we forfeited going to the movie. I was having so much fun, I bought the wifebeater. While I was picking out my shirt, I saw a cigar case and couldn’t resist buying one. Trish kept trying to get me to do something with her. She suggested that we hula hoop, but I assured her that the only way in which I could get the thing to stay on my hips would be if I used one that was way too small. She slowly wore me down with alcohol and conversation until she finally convinced me to actually get on the bar and “just stand in front of the fan”. Once I got up there, I felt stupid just standing still, so I started dancing. I made it through half a song and then sat back down again, miraculously to a round of applause. That one definitely goes on my very short list of Things I Never in A Million Years Thought I Would Do Without a Gun to My Head.

After that, I was ready to smoke my cigar. Jacob bought one too, and the 3 of us went to the back porch.

We finally headed out after my songs played on the juke box.

Let his be a lesson: No one is safe from the Magic of the Coyote Ugly.

Next we did a little drunken wandering and ended up at the Hilton bar where I’d read was a good place to schmooze. It wasn’t. Or, at least, not that night. Instead, we decided to check out yet another Irish pub called Mother Egan’s, this time for karaoke.

Am I ever glad we did. Despite exhaustion from having already been drunk once that day, their selection was AMAZING. SO MUCH BRIT POP! These people had Oasis B-Sides! They had Peter Schilling! Jacob sang “Common People” and “Girls and Boys”. I got to sing a guilty pleasure song “Karma Killer” by Robbie Williams to a very small crowd of Austiners. One of the other bar patrons was a skinny lad in a white, homemade t-shirt and a plastic MP hat who had some interesting stage moves. This spawned a new game “Drunk or Weird”. It was later determined that this fellow, named Brian, was a little of both. He was nice though. And so were his friends. Around 1, Jacob and I decided to take our leave of the bar scene and get some sleep. Brugos stayed behind to hang with our new friends.

Jacob and I walked to edge of downtown to gas station so I could get a big bottle of water. Then we waited on the corner for ages for a cab to come along. As we waited, the station attendant chased some teenagers out of the car wash. I guess they had been peeing in there.

Finally, a cab pulled in and picked us up. It pulled away JUST as some serious shit started going down behind us. He sort of scolded us and asked us what we were doing at that gas station at 1:30 in the morning. He said next time to wait in town, because the gas stations along the highway get robbed about once a month. He attributed it to vagrants coming up from New Orleans.

The cabbie later revealed that he had come to Austin to be a filmmaker.

MONDAY

Jacob and I decided to finally spend the morning doing something useful. We went to a distribution panel and a theatrical acquisitions panel. I had a celebrity sighting in the form of Judah Friedlander. That’s one of those sightings that would be absolutely meaningless to most people.

After the panels, we headed to McCormick & Schmick’s (yes, there’s one in Austin too) for the Oklahoma Film Office party. A wiry fellow who’s voice sounded like a bad Woody Allen impression adopted me and Jacob for a while and told us, me especially, that we really needed to sell ourselves. While he talked to us, he called over everyone in the room on an individual basis and had them look at a trailer that he’d made in 3 days for SXSW.

Eventually, we were approached by one of the people in the film office (and also a waiter with booze…thank god), and we ended up pitching our movie to her. She said she really liked it and would love to read the script. She also tried to sell shooting in OK to us. Apparently, they have the same tax incentives for filmmakers that WA is trying to get right now. Hopefully the bill will pass in WA so that we don’t HAVE to shoot in OK.

After we warmed up with the first lady, we felt a little more comfortable. Everyone we talked to after that, though, also worked in the OK film office. We literally met and pitched our movie to everyone in the office. Granted, that’s only 3 people, but it still seemed kind of impressive to me.

We had planned to try and catch a screening of “The Notorious Betty Page” after the party, but by the time we got out of there, the line was wrapped around the block and there was no way we were getting in. T’was like free beer off a duck’s back, however, because who wants to see a movie about Betty Page that's starring A WOMAN WITH NO TITS OR ASS?!

Instead we changed course and went to a bar called The Ginger Man in search of dinner. We began to realize that while pubs in Seattle are an ideal place to eat, it is not the case in Austin. They didn’t even HAVE most of the stuff on the menu and what we did order was lackluster.

Not to worry. We eventually found our way to a filmmakers tent which was serving FREE TACOS, BEER AND ICE CREAM!! The nice lady at the door told us not to get the “nucular” unless we were really serious. Jacob, of course, heeded no such warning. Brugos got one regular and one “nucular”. I got a tortilla filled with cheese and tomatoes. They were still grilling the veggie meat. Eventually, the veggie meat was hot, so I got a new taco. I guess they decided to make the veggie tacos nucular too because one bite was enough for me. Luckily, ice cream and beer are the perfect combo for cooling off your mouth and stomach.

After our free taco orgy, we caught “Punk Like Me” at the Convention Center. Again, we had no trouble getting in, even though we were cutting it close to the show time. I love this festival.

The movie was cute and funny. Some of the animation conventions were a little irritating, but overall, I was entertained. During Q & A, the filmmakers mentioned their after party, so of course, we headed right over.

At the door, they checked IDs. They glanced briefly at our badges and we headed in. They stopped Brugos and asked him where his badge was. I said “He’s with us” and they actually waived him in. I can’t tell you how cool it made me feel that they didn’t see through my ruse of pretending to be someone important.

Next to the bar, there was an American Spirits booth where they were giving out FREE CIGARATTES. More and more, Austin was beginning to feel a bit like the American version of Amsterdam.

Outside in the courtyard, Jacob spotted the elusive Mark Bell and friends. We were very excited to hang out with Mark, who is hilarious and a lot of fun.

Just then, I spotted a familiar face walk past “Oh shit!” I said. “There’s Eugene Mirman!” “Who?” was everyone’s reply. So I pointed to the button on my bag and explained who he was. So they convinced me to go talk to him. One of Mark’s friends helped me out by approaching first (even though I was already on my way) and saying “Hey, that girl over there really wants to meet you”. Thanks, guy.

But it worked out just fine. Eugene was very approachable and friendly and we actually ended up talking for quite a while. Eventually, one of his friends arrived. She bore a VERY striking resemblance to Elyse and we told her so. She said she was often told she looks like people’s friends. That seemed odd to me because until then, I had never met anyone that looked like Elyse besides Elyse. Does everyone in New York look like that?

After a while, Eugene and his friends decided to go next door to check out the Red Bull party. He invited us to come along. We only got as far at the door, however. They said they weren’t letting anyone in if they weren’t on the list. Mark was on the list. For a few minutes, Jacob, Brugos and I were actually stuck outside of a party with Eugene Mirman. That is, until one of the door people recognized him and let him and Elyse in. But here’s the amazing part: As he was headed in, he actually said to us that he would try really hard to find someone in there who could get us in. Whether or not he really intended to do that, it was incredibly considerate of him to even mention it in the first place.

He didn’t have to keep his promise, however. A few minutes later, the door people waived us in. Inside we learned that the Mighty Mark Bell was responsible. I love that guy.

The Red Bull party was full of lots of crazy interactive stuff including some Matrix Alien type TV display, instruments, shadow dancing and, of course, tons of free Red Bull. Too bad I’m off the stuff ever since the Worst Bus Ride in History 2001.

The party wound down shortly after we got in there, but we still had time to take part in the festivities before cabbing it back to our hovels.

TUESDAY
I woke up SOOOOO hung over. Despite much adversary, including me being wicked hung over, realizing on the bus that I’d forgotten my badge and having to walk 20 minutes back to the hotel, Jacob and I still somehow made it to the Ain’t It Cool News panel. We only missed the first 10 minutes or so. It turned out fine because the panel went over by 30-minutes.

Afterward, I gave Harry a DVD, and we ran into Mark again. Mark was pretty much done with work, so he had time to get some food with us. We waited a while for his boss to get done with work and then we met up with Brugos and headed to the Taco Shack for a little taco breakfast.

The Taco Shack was probably not the best choice for my hangover, but I’m not really sure what would have gone down right at that moment. We got our food and sat at the tables outside. Everyone was feeling pretty rough right then, including Mark’s boss. He asked us what we did for a living and Jacob and I told him we were filmmakers. The conversation naturally went to our projects but unfortunately, Jacob and I were not at ALL in pitch mode. What followed was basically a reality check from a guy who has been in the business for a while and has had a lot of experience with indie filmmakers and first-time features and people biting off more than they can chew. He told us that our plan was probably on too grand a scale and that he would hate for us to fail so miserably that we never make another movie again. He had some really good points, and said some stuff that was kind of hard to hear, but he also make us feel like we were actually pretty prepared. He made a lot of suggestions for things that we had either already thought of or already taken care of. I definitely think we’re much further along and foresighted than a lot of our feature-virgin brethren. I just wish I hadn’t felt like I was going to throw up the entire hour and a half that we talked.

After we said goodbye to Mark and the Boss, we set to wandering. The idea was to too find a park so that I could take a nap. Little did I know then that while we were sitting outside having our Hollywood brunch, I was developing a nice harsh sunburn.

Hangover + Sunburn = worst hangover ever.

As we waited for the bus that would take us to the park, it became increasingly apparent to me that if I was too make it to the evening’s festivities, I would need to lie down in a bed with a giant bottle of water, and soon. Brugos headed to the springs without us and Jacob took my sorry ass back to the hotel for a nap. A while later, I woke up feeling only slightly better. My face now resembled that of an Irish priest on a 3-day bender (which, I suppose, wasn’t that far off).

Shortly after I woke up and tended to my burns, Cherry called, followed by Brugos, to sort out the evening plans. Jacob headed off to have dinner with a colleague and Brugos and I strolled up to the Red River café, which was a suggested dining location from Derek. I ate what I could, but was starting to get the old Sunburn Fever which was taking all kinds of liberties with my faculties. I tried iced tea, hot tea, water and food, but nothing was really helping. Still, I pressed on.

Brugos and I decided to walk to Emo’s, the venue wherein we would see the Comedians of Comedy show that night. It was a really lovely walk through the UT campus and I think it helped. Regardless, by the time we got to Emo’s, I knew I had better find a bathroom quickly. I raced past everyone in line and dashed into a restaurant with a clearly labeled sign “Restrooms for Customers Only”. Sorry, dudes. It was either disobey your policy or throw up on your doorstep. I think my decision benefited both of us.

We walked back toward the Emo’s line and found Cherry, who was befuddled as to why we had gone right by her the first time. Luckily, she was right at the front of the line, so we didn’t have long to wait before getting in and securing a nice spot right at the front of the stage. In retrospect, this was the worst possible place for me to be, but at the time it seemed like a great idea.

I thought perhaps a little hair of the dog would help. Not so. It wasn’t long before my stomach was empty once again. I decided to lay off the drink for the rest of the night. We were introduced to a young, possible couple called Robbie and Robert, who were both quite drunk already.

Meanwhile, Justin and Jacob were waiting in the ginormous line outside. They had not yet met so we couldn’t consolidate our efforts for getting them in. For some reason, the line wasn’t moving at all. Eventually, they both got in to the very packed house. Justin made fast friends with Robbie (who looked like a young, Hot Topic version of Val Kilmer). My area was getting smaller and more smoke-filled and it wasn’t long before I had to run back to the bathroom. I thought that surely this time, I had nothing left to give. I was wrong. A word of advice: If you find yourself nauseous in Austin, the worst possible place to be is in the Emo’s ladies room. The stalls are not only tiny, which prevents you from being able to kneel without literally hugging the toilet, but also the toilets themselves are FILTHY, which only makes you want to throw up more. I had to pay a total of 3 visits to my new frenemy that night.

The show started and Patton kicked things off with a warm-up. Throughout the night, he performed during the interludes and then did a longer set at the end. The first comedian was pretty terrible. Very Comedy Central: Premium Blend blasé. But everyone else was really good. I’d never heard of Aziz Ansari before, but the guy was HILARIOUS. I wish he’d gotten to do a longer set and I hope to get to see him again in the future.

Eugene Mirman did some bits I’d seen before, and one hilarious “impression” of Darth Vader lip synching to a Belle and Sebastian song before having a nervous breakdown.

As much as I love the Comedians of Comedy, I will never again situate myself in the front row for a show wherein alcohol is being served. Drunken indie kids are some of the most IRRITATING and non-sensical hecklers I have ever encountered. Mostly, their heckling consisted of them loudly repeating one word or phrase from a joke and then laughing at themselves. In my ear. I was also surrounded by smoke. Of course, this would never be a problem in Seattle, and usually, it doesn’t bother me. But I was in no state to be barraged with inane yelling and cigarette smoke at that moment.

At one point, apparently, Robbie began to take some swigs from a little vial containing clear liquid. We hypothesized about what he could be doing. Was he taking GBH? Was he roofying himself in case Robert didn’t want to take him home that night? Who knows with the kids anymore.

Robbie also spent about 20 minutes leaning on me to take picture after picture of Patton on his camera phone. No. More. Front. Row.

After the show, I realized that I hadn’t gotten a picture with Eugene the night before, so I went over to ask him for one. Brugos went with me and talked to Elyse 2 again. Eugene’s response to my asking for a picture was “Of course. Because no one would believe this otherwise.”

Jacob and I waited around for a while to introduce ourselves to Patton. He was swigging from a bottle of Scotch, being very personable and generally very excited to talk to his fans. I honestly can’t believe how nice all the guys in that group are.

As we reconvened and tried to figure out what to do with the rest of our night, we were approached by a guy who had been standing behind us during the show. He followed us to Club DeVille, where we were getting a night cap. He bought two rounds of drinks since it was last call. 20 minutes later, we had to down the drinks and leave.

There was nothing much left to do with the night, so we said we were getting a cab to go back to our hotels. Our new friend, instead, offered us a ride home in his van. Yes, I realize how that sounds now. But in our fragile states, it sounded like a grand idea. We told him that our hotels were north. He headed south. At first, I thought perhaps he, being a local, just knew a super secret way to the freeway. Cherry mentioned that she had to pee, and he suggested that she use the toilet AT HIS HOUSE. We said “that’s ok, we can just go back to the hotel”. We continued south. Cherry said again that she had to pee. “Let me just take you to my house,” he said again. “It’s closer.” Sure, NOW it’s closer since you’ve been DRIVING FOR 10 MINUTES IN THE WRONG DIRECTION.

We pulled into his driveway. Jacob and I grumpily stayed in the car. Brugos and Justin wisely accompanied Cherry into the house. After Cherry went to the bathroom, apparently, she checked out the guy’s kitchen and asked for a beer. His fridge was FULL of beer, but he kept giving weird excuses to her about why he couldn’t give her one. “That’s the last one,” he said. “Those beers are expensive.” “I’m saving those.”

Is he, perhaps, collecting urine samples and only offers beer to those house guests who can’t go to the bathroom? Does he hide his urine samples in sealed beer bottles in his fridge? We’ll never know.

Eventually, they came back to the car. Finally, we can go home, thought I. But then Cherry wanted cigarettes. “I’LL GIVE YOU SOME CIGARETTES,” said Brugos. But Creepy Dude insisted on taking Cherry to 7-11. Was 7-11 on the way to our hotel? OF COURSE NOT! It was east. So now we were south east of where we wanted to go and we had been in the car for 40 minutes. We could have walked home by then. We are fools.

At a stop light, he slammed on the breaks and slid into the intersection, narrowly missing an oncoming car. We wanted to go home. He pulled into the 7-11 parking lot and we anxiously watched Cherry buy cigarettes. After she got back in the car, Creepy Dude at long last said “Now I’ll take you back to your hotel.”

He got on the freeway going north. Salvation was in sight. At our hotel, everyone got out of the van. Brugos decided to call a cab. The extra $7 or $8 would be worth it not to get chopped into little pieces. The Creepy Dude made sure to give me his phone number right before we got out. Sure dude. I’ll give you a call next time I have to pee…

SXSW Recap Part 1

SATURDAY
I woke up at the ass crack of dawn. Brugos hired a town car to take us to the airport. I said goodbye to the kitties and hauled by suitcase down the stairs. It was early. I am not into early. My stomach gets all rumbly. But we still made it to the airport with enough time for me to grab a nice stomach-settling breakfast of coke and Chex mix. Since it was going to be a long day, Brugos also bought us sandwiches for later. Mine was a no-frills cheese sandwich: white bread and 3 slices of cheese. No mayo, mustard or lettuce. Fuck you, vegetarians.

On the first flight there was a movie. Most of the time, I will watch the airplane movie no matter how bad it sounds. That’s how I know that “Sweet November” is one of the most ridiculously clichéd scripts every written, or that “The Princess Diaries 2” is so embarrassing that it almost cancels out the triumphs of the early the careers of Julie Andrews and Michael Caine. But I just couldn’t bring myself to shell out $5 for “The Family Stone”. The trailer they showed features lots of yelling and falling. But as Brugos and I talked through it, it appeared that the trailer was pretty misleading about the slapstick. Mostly, actors just stood there and talked to each other. And whatever they were saying was apparently HILARIOIUS to everyone around us with headphones. Still, I feel I made the right decision on this one.

We quickly changed planes in Dallas and hopped on a smaller plane. The flight was only about 35 minutes long so we were pretty sure there would be no drink service. But lo and behold, right after the captain announced that we would begin our decent in 10 minutes, the stewardess brought out the drink cart. Brugos thought this the perfect opportunity squeeze in a Gin and Tonic, but the Stewardess had other plans. “You don’t have time to drink a Gin and Tonic”, she said. Brugos protested that he could drink one pretty quickly in a pinch. She didn’t believe him. We’d get non-alcoholic beverages or we’d get nothing and we’d like it. Why she didn’t just say “We’re not serving alcohol right now” instead of making a character judgment about the speed at which he can consume a drink, I don’t know. I’ve since come to the conclusion that Texan stewardesses are a surly bunch.

We landed and met Jacob, who had been dropping off his rental car. The three of us hopped in a cab and headed to our respective hotels, with the requisite careless cabbie at the helm. Jacob and I checked into the Days Inn and freshened up. I changed out of my heavy dark winter clothes into my thin, dark summer clothes. We downed some delicious, wet-dog infused tap water and then headed to the bus stop to go downtown. The first stop was the Convention Center to pick up our film badges.

Already, everyone in town seemed to be revealing themselves as extremely and genuinely friendly. I hadn’t realized how much I’d trained myself to ignore strangers who call out to you on the street. In Seattle, it either means they want money, they want to canvas you, or they just want to talk to you at length about some sort of conspiracy involving the government, the police and/or badgers. In Austin, they want to tell you that you dropped something or that you have nice hair. It takes some getting used to.

After picking up our badges, we grabbed our schwag bags which were nice SXSW canvas bags filled to the brim with magazines and ads and two bottled of flavored Aquafina each. Since paper is extremely heavy, and we had miles to go before we slept, we emptied as much useless crap as we could into a garbage can. The thing still weighed a ton though.

We met Brugos on 6th street for dinner. We were pretty hungry by then, so we weren’t too picky. We settled on an Irish Pub for our first Austin meal. On our way in, Brugos ran into someone he knew from childhood, thus cementing him as the surrogate Ben for the trip.

Brugos and I shared some sub-par queso and quesadillas and Jacob had the Irish stew. That’s what we get for going to an Irish pub for Mexican food.

We decided to catch a 9:30 showing of “Brothers of the Head” at the Alamo South Lamar. We had plenty of time and it was a beautiful (albeit hot) night, so we decided to walk. Brugos was none-too-pleased with his digs at the Super 8, which was much further north than our hotel, so we foolishly thought we would see if we could find a room in a different, less dodgy and inconvenient hotel.

As we walked, I answered a call from my mom. I never would have picked up if I’d known what was about to transpire. I had been worried that she was mad at me, after she’d called my office the week before and hadn’t wanted to speak to me. Turns out she WAS mad at me, since the last time she was in town, I’d told her to cool it with the “What the Bleep” talk. Perhaps I hadn’t phrased it in the nicest possible way, but she didn’t seem so hurt at the time so I thought I didn’t apologize. Apparently, she took it to mean that she couldn’t tell me ANYTHING anymore, and didn’t know what to say to me. That’s why she didn’t tell me until that night that her mom was sick and she had to go East to tend to her. Yeesh.

So this lead into a marathon argument about whether or not what she believes in is a religion or a methodology and whether or not I was a closed-minded asshole for not trying out every single “cure” that she learned in her workshops. She used logic like “you can see gravity or wind, but you can feel it” to explain it all to me. Finally, I told her I was an atheist, thinking this might better explain where I was coming from. She got really quiet for a minute and then said in the most hurt voice I’ve ever heard, “So you don’t believe in anything just like Ray…”. I explained to her that my lack of “faith” had nothing to do with my father, since it was a conclusion I came to entirely independently of him. Furthermore, it didn’t mean that I didn’t believe in ANYTHING, just that I didn’t follow any of the existing faiths. She still didn’t believe that this didn’t make me an immoral heathen, so I attempted to convince her that basically all of my closest friends are also atheists and they are all very nice, very moral people. At one point, in response to my saying that I wanted to be able to hang out with her whilst agreeing to disagree, she told me that if she had to censor herself around me that it made me “as bad at people who burn books”.

As my mom compared me to Hitler, Jacob and Brugos noticed that we were all hopelessly lost. We were in a very suburban looking area with little promise of stumbling across a movie theatre. As they stood in the road scrutinizing maps, some folks who were drinking beer on their porch called out to us “Hey, are y’all lost”. Unbelievable Austin hospitality struck again. The lovely people not only told us how to get to the theater (we weren’t that far off track), but they also gave Brugos a beer.

At that point, the argument with my mom was winding down, but I still couldn’t hang up. As we walked in the direction of the theatre, an SUV pulled up behind us. It only took us a second to realize that it was one of the people from the house. He offered us a ride which we graciously accepted. My mom finally guessed that I was a little busy and let me off the phone.

We got to the theatre 10 minutes before the movie was to start. Knowing what we did about the structure of other film festivals, it seemed hopeless that we would get in, but we decided to try anyway. Miraculously, Jacob and I were let right through with our film badges. We said we’d try to save Brugos a seat, thinking he was out of luck. To our surprise, the theatre was only about half full and Brugos came in about 3 minutes later with no problems.

I really liked “Brothers of the Head”. Thematically, it’s a lot like “Twin Falls Idaho” but, I suppose there are only so many different themes one can explore in regards to young, attractive conjoined twins. The music was also really good. It was very authentic for the style they were going for (early 70's pop/punk). And lucky us, we even got free CDs featuring music from the film.

Next, we decided to try and catch the bus back into town for the “after party” at Maggie Mae’s. When a bus finally showed, the driver told us that he was “not going downtown”. However, after it drove off, it became apparent to us that it was at least getting pretty NEAR to downtown. It was then that we realized that Austin is not a bus city. Not only are there no schedules ANYWHERE to be found, but people seem to think that if the bus isn’t dropping you off at your door, it’s not the bus you want.

We got some quick reinforcements at a gas station and waited for a cab. While waited, Brugos and I were mesmerized by a giant orange T-Rex which who clearly resided in a mini-golf course. This was Peter Pan mini-golf, and we resolved to go back before the week was out. Seeing our new dexterously challenged friend also allowed us to conceive a new character: Rex T, the foppish T-Rex. Stay tuned for his adventures.

Our cab driver was very surprised when we told him our destination. “You don’t look like the type of people who would want to go to Maggie Mae’s,” he said. Apparently, both the bar, and 6th street in general is usually the fratty part of town. We explained to him that we were attending an after party for a film. Evidently, he was more correct than we were. The “after party” was letting everyone in off the street. The Filmmakers, from what we could tell, didn’t even go into the bar. Perhaps they couldn’t afford to reserve the place? Regardless, we had a few drinks and then hopped into a cab to go back to our hotels. In a small town moment, we realized that it was the same cabbie who picked us up from the airport.

all over now

I’m back! And exhausted! And poor! But I had an awesome time drinking and socializing in an indie purgatory. What’d I miss in Seattle?

The recap of SXSW is going to take me forever. So much cool stuff happened that I’m sure that even with a week to work on it, I will still be leaving things out. That’s why, as I post each day, I would appreciate help from those of you who were there. Grandma’s memory isn’t what it used to be. Maybe Grandma should lay off the drink…

Anywho, since I finally had a camera of my own on this trip, I am breaking recap convention and posting the pictures BEFORE the recap, instead of weeks after. Hopefully they will whet your appetite for details.

Superior Narcotic Opportunities

PARK CITY RECAP: PART 3

FRIDAY
We had another nice leisurely morning, and then went to the galleria mall to steal their wi-fi connection. Then we grabbed perhaps the worst lunch we’ve ever paid too much for, a cow-themed deli/ice cream parlor called…COWS. The omnipresence of cows did not make the cold, hard pizza taste better. DZ ate turkey chili for the second day in a row and remained unimpressed.

After that, we went back to the condo to relax.

Later, we decided to check out the Cantina Brew Pub above the Wasatch. Despite the presence of Galaga, it wasn’t that great. Meep couldn’t even PLAY Gallaga because it was wedged behind the pool table, which was in active use. Instead, we took loads of pictures of each other and then went back to the condo.
I suppose we were all ready for a good night’s rest, anyway.

SATURDAY
This was the latest Meep and I had gotten to sleep in. We rose around 11 and hung out for a while. Back to the Future was on TV! The boys all left; DZ and BenDur to check email, and Kamikaze to start his day of watching Troma movies.

Meep and I got ready and met DZ and BenDur back at the galleria mall. We hit the last few “lounges” we hadn’t been to, in a last ditch effort to accumulate as much free stuff as possible. Meep attempted to find the red Sundance shirt she’d seen at the beginning of the week, but they appeared to be all sold out.

The 4 of us got sushi at Kampai, a place that DZ and BenDur had been to before we got there. The food was, of course, a bit more expensive that sushi should be, but it was DAMNED tasty.

Next, we met Kamikaze at Rum Bunnies Beach Bar, where the Troma festivities were happening all day. We got there in time for the last film, Horror Business, a feature documentary about the difficulties of being an independent, extremely micro-budget horror filmmaker. It featured the guy from American Movie, finally coming back to directing after a 6 year absence, and the makers of a movie called Zombie Honeymoon that DZ knows. It was a pretty amusing documentary, but most of it had to do with how WACKY some of these guys are. One guy was just an ANGRY person, and actually yells at a drive-thru employee at one point. Another guy is a horror animator, and he is interviewed sitting in a high-backed black chair, in front of a fireplace, shrouded in darkness. I love this guy and must seek out his cartoons, one of which is called Son of God vs. Son of Godzilla. Who knew a goth could have a sense of humor (besides me, of course).

After the last movie, they set up for the panel discussion which was called “Filmmaking in the age of the $15,000,000 independent movie”. It was actually quite an informative panel. Everyone was really honest and Lloyd used his “moderating” duties to make lewd jokes about oral sex the entire time. I love that guy. One of the guys on the panel is involved in making a number of upcoming video game movies including…PAC MAN. Not kidding. He said he had no idea how it was going to be shot.

After the panel, we met Matt Foster, the programmer for Dragon*Con (which played Snow Day, Bloody Snow Day last year). He was very nice and told us that we should have been at Dragon*Con because the theatre was standing room only. We said we’d wanted to go but didn’t have enough money. Maybe next time.

We also gave a screener to a guy from the Willamette Weekly who had spoken during the panel. Not sure if anything will come of it, but it doesn’t hurt.

We grabbed a quick dinner at Doolans’, a sports bar across the street, and then returned to Rum Bunnies for the long-awaited Troma Party.

At Lloyd’s book signing, he’d given us “invitations” to the party, so there was a small hope that the $10 cover charge would be waved. No deal. The invitations were as meaningless as Kiel telling us they’d show “Snow Day” at a secret screening. Oh well. I guess I don’t mind giving $10 to Troma.

While we were waiting outside for the doors to open, we met an actor and another filmmaker and chatted with them briefly. The actor gave us his reel and his business card (something I’d seen for the first time in Park City: an actor’s business card is like a mini headshot resume without the resume).

Finally, the doors opened, and we went in and commandeered a booth. Kamikaze, BenDur and Meep took advantage of $2 Stellas (again with the Stella), and I drank increasingly large glasses of wine for $4. See, the bartenders weren’t the usual staff of Rum Bunnies, but Troma volunteers. So they did NOT care how much wine they gave me. This led to me getting retardedly hammered. But more on that later.

DZ began to draw cartoon portraits of all of us on napkins as comic book characters. It began with him drawing Meep as Joey Lauren Adams (because she had been doing an EERILY accurate impression of the squeaky actress for the past few days). Then he drew a picture of Kamikaze that made him look like Preacher. So that led to him drawing me as Little Orphan Annie and BenDur as Doc Ock. Faye was drawn again as Jean Grey and me again as Michelangelo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. The filmmaker we’d met outside saw this happening and wanted one of his own, so DZ drew him as Aquaman. For some reason, neither Meep nor I can remember who DZ drew himself as. Regardless, Meep has the napkins at home and will scan them at a later date. Meanwhile, the actor we’d met outside began talking to me, and, Meep observed, getting a little bit lecherous. Gross.

Eventually, the two of them wandered off, and a bohemian looking woman came over. Turns out she was the writer and director of a short film called Confederate Zombie Massacre, which had played at many a festival with Snow Day. She said they’d been tracking our progress because our films were similar in theme (and therefore audience reaction), so she knew that if an audience liked Snow Day, they’d probably like her movie too (and vice versa). She was really cool, and invited us to their condo the next night for a spaghetti dinner and 3D movie-a-thon. I wish we’d met them earlier in the week.

DZ and BenDur began to tire and decided to walk home, leaving me, Meep and Kamikaze to our own drunken devices. Well, me and Kamikaze were drunk, anyway. Meep managed to stay pretty sober and cognizant.

At some point, a local Utah band called “The Street” played. They hearkened back to the age of hair metal anthems, and we were really enjoying it at the time. We all got free CDs so I’ve yet to check and see if they still sound good without having imbibed a bottle of wine. They played several original songs and then broke into the covers (which were crowd pleasing, but not as impressive). Lloyd showed up and danced around a bit. There was also a dancing Toxie.

At one point (and I say this because most of the night is a blur after DZ and BenDur left), we were approached by a reviewer from Slug Magazine, who remembered us from then panel discussion. (DZ had asked a question and introduced all of us and our film to the room). He was pretty drunk too and we had a fun (I think) conversation for a long time. Meep gave him our card and told him to email us and we’d send him a DVD. I’m thinking we should probably try to follow up with him though. He was still drinking heavily when we left the party.

I’m not sure what time we left, but by the time we did, I was having a great deal of difficulty walking on my own volition. We decided to walk home through the fresh fallen snow (it had been snowing really hard all day), and this would have been a fantastic idea if I hadn’t been so wobbly. Part of the trouble was that Meep kept making me laugh. And it was that hard laughter that makes it difficult to move even if you have all your faculties in tact. And I definitely didn’t. I remember little from the walk home apart from Meep holding me up and trying to motivate me by talking me through it like we were hobbits trying to get back to the Shire. At one point, she told me we were in Mordor. I believe there are pictures on her camera of me in Mordor.

After we passed through Mordor, we stopped at the Prancing Pony…I mean 7-11…for some nachos. I panicked, proclaiming that I was far too drunk to go inside. Instead, I banished myself to the corner behind the garbage can, and waited for Meep and Kamikaze to return with sweet cheesy chippy salvation. Luckily, 7-11 was a stone’s throw from the condo, so I didn’t have far to stumble after that.

Once home, I stuffed my face with nachos, loudly stomped around the condo waking up poor DZ, drank water till uncomfortably bloated, and then passed out in bed. Troma really does know how to party.

SUNDAY
I woke the next morning AMAZINGLY lacking in physical consequences for the night before. I was marginally under performing, but there was no headache and only a few moments of nausea later in the day. I don’t know why the hangover fairy has been so good to me lately, but I’m going to do whatever I can not to piss her off again.

Kamikaze was the first to get ready, so he took one for the team and went to the theatre to get in line for our first movie of the day: The Decent. This is the movie that we managed to buy ONE ticket in advance for. BenDur joined him later, and then, later still, DZ, Meep and I managed to venture out. We were able to purchase one more ticket for the movie from a random person who was selling, but since we were first in the wait list line, and the last day of the festival is apparently the least crowded, we were all able to get in no problem.

The Decent kicks ass. By the director of Dog Soldiers, it is about a group of “extreme” women who go on a spelunking expedition in the Appalachians. And yes, they do encounter some monsters eventually, but the character development between these girls is so understated and effective, and the caves they navigate are SO treacherous looking, that you are terrified long before they encounter anything unnatural. All I could think during the first hour was “People actually go spelunking for FUN?!”

I would like to see this movie again in the theatre with an audience that has actually been to a movie. This was seriously the most irritating audience at a horror film I have ever encountered. They talked at normal volume throughout the movie asking things like “Oh wow, are those BONES?!” and “Look at all that blood!”

We went back to the condo for lunch after the movie. While we were waiting in line for The Decent, Kamikaze managed to score 2 tickets to the last movie of the festival, a horror movie called Salvage. Meep was going to go, since she’d only been able to see two movies during the festival, but she wasn’t in the mood when the time came, so I went in her stead.

Salvage was OK. It wasn’t terrible. I’ve certainly seen worse no-budget horror films. But it did have one of those irritating “twist” endings that people are so fond of sticking in their horror movies these days. Jesus. When can a psycho killer go back to JUST being a psycho killer and nothing more?

Kamikaze and I met the gang back to the condo and then we headed up the block to the Confederate Zombie Massacre condo.

The room was full of like-minded indie filmmakers and artists. We went around the room introducing ourselves and then spent the rest of the night shooting the shit, helping them finish their food, and watching stuff on one guy’s 3D movie projector.

I think we’ll definitely keep in touch with these guys. They were really easy-going and friendly. Hooray for Tromadance bringing people together!

Unfortunately, we had to call it an early night, as we were all pretty bushed and we had a plane to catch.

The next day, we bid a fond farewell to our condo and Park City. Goodbye, Park City. It’s been fun. We’ll hopefully see you again some day when we’ve earned some credentials.

Park City Pictures: batch 1

Here are the first batch of pictures from our Park City adventure. I will link to the second batch once Faye uploads her pictures (including the one of me and CHG!)

Get rid of everything you are indebted for with out sending an other cent

PARK CITY RECAP PART 2

Things forgot to mention yesterday: Dom, Sarah, Jacob and I saw Roger Ebert on the bus, bundled up in his green parka. Dom and I saw Joey Pants walking down the street, being interviewed and Ben walked next to Paris Hilton who “smelled like money”.

TUESDAY
We had a nice leisurely morning in the condo, and then Ben, Dom, Jacob and I went to Main Street for lunch. Faye, sadly, was still too ill to move. As we perused the menu of a “bistro”, I heard a familiar voice. We looked up in time to see Crispy and Courtney (how cute!) walking in to the bistro. They emerged a few seconds later, Crispy stressing about not having enough time to eat before they had to get somewhere. Ben happened to note a girl doing a double take as Crispy and his bride-to-be passed her.

We settled on lunch at “The Eating Establishment”. This is the restaurant where it had taken Sarah ages to get seated and served. There wasn’t too long a wait this time and Sarah had liked the food she eventually got, so we decided to give it a try. We didn’t have much time to argue, as we had a movie to get to. I probably should have ordered breakfast because their lunch menu was lacking in vegetarian options. I got a simple, cold veggie sandwich, the ingredients of which probably cost about a $1. Including tax and tip, I paid $12 for it. For bread, lettuce, cheese, cucumbers and mustard, it wasn’t a BAD sandwich. It just felt like a rip-off. Everyone else seemed to like their fancier, meat-filled meals. We all tried some of Dom’s warm, fresh-made beer bread and THAT was delicious. So it looks like I just screwed myself. Still, it wasn’t the first overprices, mediocre meal I had in Park City, and it wouldn’t be the last.

After lunch, we caught the bus to our theatre to see the only movie we had physical tickets for: “Wristcutters: A Love Story”. Starring that doe-eyed kid from that Cameron Crowe movie I hate about classic rock music and groupies, and Shannyn Sossamon, flat line-delivery extraordinaire, “Wristcutters” is a dark romantic comedy about suicides searching for meaning in their purgatorial afterlife. It sounds kinda cool, and there are some elements of the movie I really liked. The music, for instance, was really interesting and set the tone well. The color-correction was interesting. The make-up, or lack-there-of, on all the actors definitely made them look dead, without looking cheesy or vampiric. The performance by Shea Whigham was amusing and engaging. But damnit, I hate Shannyn Sossamon. She is so irritating and untalented. Therefore, I had NO interest in seeing her and the lead get together. There were a number of “conveniences” indicative of a romantic comedy that they used which pissed me off and, as the movie was based on a short story with a rather bleak (albeit REALISTIC) ending, they decided to Hollywood-ize it for the script. This resulted in a groan-worthy happy ending which, I feel, totally undermined the tone of the entire story. Of course, I’m sure that hot-topically depressed teenage goth girls, and fans of Cameron Crowe in general are going to “discover” this movie and adore the crap out of it.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that the movie was introduced by the director of programming at Sundance who admitted to being friends with the director and said that he submitted the film “just in time” and that “luckily” he was selected. Boy, that really IS lucky.

After the Q and A, Ben went up to talk to the director, and to find Jake Busey, who was in the movie too. He found Busey on our way out the door, shook his hand and said hello. After we’d moved on, Ben regretted not having asked for a picture with him. Not to worry, though. His day would come…

We went back to the condo and checked on Faye. Everyone was pretty tired, but Jacob and I decided to go out anyway. We met some of his friends from California, as they were just finishing up dinner at Bandit’s. We had two drinks there, and then they left us to go back to their condo to get drunk in their hot tub. They invited us to go with them, but we wanted to be out. We could get drunk in our OWN hot tub.

Next, we checked out a cover band in a basement bar called The Spur. They weren’t bad, but they were kind of loud. Also, the place was full of uppity types adorned in fur, and Jacob’s one ounce of scotch cost more than it should have.

We then checked out O’Shucks. As soon as we walked in the door, we knew we’d made the right decision. They were playing classic rock, there was no fur or white puffy ski jackets in the entire bar, you could shuck (get it?) your peanuts onto the floor, and you could buy a beer that was AS BIG AS YOUR HEAD. Jacob got one of these beers, and I got a house wine which was still quit impressive in its own right. It took a while for Jacob to get through his beer, and they rung the bell which sounded like last call, so we took off. Jacob suspected, however, that they were being pretty lenient with last call times that week. We vowed to return to O’Shucks to make the most of our “membership” amidst the divey goodness.

WEDNESDAY
Faye was finally feeling better and was ready to face the world. Before we headed out, we said goodbye to Sarah who had to return to her life. Then Faye, Jacob and I headed to the Box Office to see if we could buy any tickets for any of the movies we wanted to see the rest of the week.

I had the brilliant idea (as it had been so much fun before) to walk to Main Street. There was a small sidewalk along the road that could be seen from the bus, and it didn’t look that treacherous. I’d walked back from two places already (albeit from a different direction), so I didn’t think it would be that difficult.

It was. The wind whipped us all around. The altitude got to us, and we were all breathing hard within minutes. Faye hadn’t been up for two days, so she wasn’t enjoying herself either. The mere MILE we had to walk seemed to take forever. So much for THAT bright idea.

When we finally, got to the Box Office, we discovered that there was ONE ticket left to ONE of the movies we wanted to see. We bought it, and then went to find something to eat.

We got a table at the Wasatch Bar and Grill. (By the way, everything in Park City is a bar and grill.) I thought perhaps I could order the deluxe quesadilla without any chicken. “The quesadillas are pre-made,” responded the waitress. Really, what I wanted was the beans, so I asked if they had a side of beans I could order. “Nope. Everything is pre-made”. So I got the plane, pre-made cheese quesadillas. Faye ordered some chips and salsa for us all, and a salad, and Jacob got the pre-made chicken fajitas which came with…a side of beans. I didn’t mind my quesadilla at all, but Jacob wasn’t impressed with his meal. The chips and salsa, we all agreed, were quite delicious, however.

We stopped, quickly, at a candy store to buy reinforcements before meeting Ben in the waitlist line for “The Darwin Awards”. This was the premiere, and though we’d been to a premiere before (“Art School”), this one was crazy. People were DESPERATE to get in there to see, I guess, Winona Ryder and Joseph Fiennes and Metallica. I really could take it or leave it, but we didn’t have any other plans for the day and thought, since we were getting there 3 and a half hours early, that we would be alright.

The scene was a most horrific display of humanity. People were selling wait list numbers (which aren’t worth anything if there aren’t any empty seats for ticket holders), and people were trying to scam their way into the wait list line. We met Evil Scarf Lady, whom Ben had seen before, yelling at the theatre VOLUNTEERS, and trying to shove her way in front of everybody. Some crazy lady singled Faye out and kept trying to get Faye to give her her phone number so they could “double their efforts”. It was impossible to tell what she really wanted because she kept changing her story. First she was meeting a “friend” there and then she just wanted to hook up with someone as a “safety measure” for getting in. We’d say “no thank you”, but she just kept coming back. Eventually, they told us that if we weren’t in the first 20 people, we weren’t getting in, and that perhaps even those 20 people might not get in (take that, Scarf Lady), so we left. But not before losing a little more faith in humanity. If people act like this about a stupid fucking MOVIE that they’ll be able to see (for cheaper) in a few months anyway, imagine what they’d be like after a major disaster when money is meaningless and food and medicine are scarce.

We headed back to the condo and decided to spend our evening watching one of our free “Cry Wolf” DVDs. “Cry Wolf”, as we learned when we received the DVDs, was made because the filmmakers won some contest as put on by Chrysler. Their script, and accompanying short film, earned them $1m and lots of help to make this movie. They shot it in Richmond, VA (and I swear to god, one of the locations is my high school cafeteria), with no-name actors and Jon Bon Jovi, and had nothing but incredibly nice things to say about how Hollywood treats independent filmmakers. Well, you won a fucking CONTEST sponsored by a big American car company. Of COURSE they’re going to be nice to you. But why you won, we can’t figure out because your script is AWEFUL. Another stupid “twist” ending “horror” movie with very little blood and NO redeeming values whatsoever won this contest? I’m not sure if that gives me hope for our script or makes me think that we will never be appreciated.

Their winning short was on the DVD too. It was a poorly scripted, flashy little thing featuring a Chrysler sports car.

THURSDAY
I really wanted to see “Stay”, the film written and directed by Bob(cat) Golthwait. We didn’t have tickets, I was slightly disheartened by what happened at “The Darwin Awards”, so Jacob and I got to the theatre FOUR hours early. It paid off. We were first in the wait list line. We chilled, listened to comedy on my i-pod, ate burritos from the burrito stand across the way, enjoyed the beautiful mountainous scenery. Dom joined us after a few hours, and the three of us ended up being among the 15 or so that they let in to see this VERY sold out movie.

“Stay” is a fantastic film. It’s a great example of how a very solid script and great acting can make the fact that you have a $0 budget seem like a minor inconvenience. The movie is hilarious and fucked up (everything that happens is a result of one misspent night, by the main character, of dog fellatio) and uncomfortable and universal all at once. I daresay it brought tears to my eyes at one point, and that’s no easy feat for me. SEE THIS MOVIE, if you are able.

After the movie, Bobcat gave a little speech about how humbled he was that so many people had come out to see his movie. He said he was very nervous and was going to keep it short, lest he throw up on stage. He also relayed a story about a woman at a previous screening who, as a result of seeing the movie, felt compelled to tell him about HER experiences with receiving cunnilingus from her dog. She said “I can tell you this because I know you won’t tell anyone”. “Sure,” he said to us, “until the next screening.”

Jacob, Dom and I bussed to Main Street to catch Lloyd Kaufman signing books at Dolly’s Bookstore. After some prompting, Lloyd remembered us, and “Snow Day”, from the ComicCon. He asked why we didn’t submit it to Tromadance. Of course, I told him that we DID submit it and were rejected. He said he was surprised, because our movie was so good. He called over one of the directors of the festival and introduced me to him. He said “This is one of the directors of this really good short. We should try and squeeze it into the Secret Screenings tonight.” The guy said OK and took the DVD. He gave me his cell number and told me to call him “later on” to find out when and where the Secret Screenings would take place. Lloyd took another button and the festival director, Kiel (yes, that's how he spells his name…should have tipped me off), had a DVD and business card. Things seemed promising at that point.

Next stop was the liquor store, to buy the biggest, most potent bottle of wine we could find. I touched base with Faye who, along with Ben was having her own adventures on Main Street. She and Ben had just happened upon a concert/expo thingy for Brendon Small’s new cartoon. Then they were to catch a special bus full of VW owners (of which Ben is one), that were to be whisked to a secret screening of “Little Miss Sunshine”, the big darling of the festival.

Jacob, Dom and I stopped in at the Stella Artois tent, where they were giving out free Stella and free Stella MINTS! Jacob and I each drank our allotted beers and the three of us chatted with some students from New York who were a lot of fun.

By the way, you should know that during Sundance, ALL of Park City is sponsored by Stella Artois. In fact, EVERYTHING is sponsored by something. This is why, whenever possible, we decided to take photos of each other displaying a corporate logo of some kind. It would have been harder to AVOID logos in our pictures.
After our fast and furious Stella orgy, we got some dinner at the Hungry Moose, and went back to the Condo for a brief rest. I called Kiel and left a voicemail. Then I laid down for a nap. I was asleep for 10 minutes when Faye called. I told her I was waiting to hear back from Kiel, and she told me that she and Ben were on their way to a super secret VW party. I told her I’d call her when I knew what was going on.
Shortly after that, Kiel called me back. It was obvious that he hadn’t listened to my voicemail and just called back his missed call. I asked him what was going on for the night. He said “I just got out of the shower. Call me back in half an hour”. I realized after we hung up that he had no idea who I was.

I called him back in 45 minutes, and explained who I was straight away. He was very gruff and said the screenings probably wouldn’t happen until around 1 or 1:30. If we were still “out and about” then, I “could give [him] a call. Right now, we’re going to Cicero’s for karaoke”. I told him I’d call later. I thought perhaps he was just awkward on the phone. I was very excited to tell Jacob that I knew where there was karaoke in Park City! I called Faye, who was in the midst of lots of free VW sponsored Stella with Ben. She said she’s meet us at Cicero’s when we got there.

The lady at the door was very nice. She asked if we were filmmakers. We said we were. I waited for her to say “Can I see your credentials?”. She didn’t. Instead, she handed me and Jacob a voucher for the cover charge and said “We want to take care of the filmmakers.” I’m glad SOMEBODY does. We moseyed in and found a table and started looking through the book. They had NONE of my sure-fire standards and this was not a crowd for experimentation. I finally settled “heaven is a place on earth” which had gone over well before. Faye (2 Stellas in) and Ben (9 Stellas in) showed up a short while later. Apparently, Jack Busey had been at the VW party. Ben and Faye sat next to him and eavesdropped as he chatted up two ladies. Ben would loudly exclaim “Did you hear what Jake Busey just said?! Did you see what Jake Busey just did?! I’m losing respect for Jake Busey!” Of course, Faye DID hear and see what Jake Busey said and did, because he was RIGHT NEXT to them. Ben did get his picture with Busey, though.

Jacob saw a Tromette that has been at the book store and started chatting her up. I saw Kiel on my way back from the bathroom and smiled at him. He smiled an annoyed “please God, don’t talk to me” smile back at me so I decided to leave him alone and resign myself to the fact that he only took the movie because Lloyd told him too. Why does Troma hate “Snow Day”? I would have thought it would be right up their alley. Oh well.

Faye, Ben and I all put in songs. Ben got to sing early because he bribed the karaoke DJ. Faye and I, to our knowledge, were never called.

The karaoke festivities were curtailed by a screening of a short called “One Sung Hero”, about a karaoke singer. That was when we figured out that the party was SPONSORED BY the short, which starred some lady, a chick from Mad TV and Kyle Gass of The D. The short was pretty bad. It was like a Mad TV sketch without the budget. After it was over, Faye, Ben and I left and Jacob remained with him Tromette. I guess he eventually made it to the Troma condo with her, but of course, “Snow Day” was never played.

Stay tuned for the final installment…

renewal peasant

PARK CITY RECAP PART 1

As with my last long trip, I will break this up into segments so as to give myself time to compose, as well as to assuage the eyes of my readers.

SATURDAY
Faye and I arrived in Salt Lake City around 12:30 and were promptly picked up by Dom and Sarah. On our way to Park City, we stopped at a strip mall to eat lunch at the “Training Table” and buy some new pants for Sarah. The Training Table was an interesting concept wherein people find a seat, decide what they want to order and then pick up the phone that’s behind their table and call in the order to the front. When your order is ready, they call you on your phone and you go up front to pick it up.
As we ate our burgers, Dom noticed a drip coming from the ceiling and landing onto his tray, dangerously close to his food. The drip was a suspicious brown liquid leaking from a creepy swell in the ceiling above our heads. We decided to finish eating as fast as possible, and get out of there, lest a rotting corpse crash through the ceiling at any given moment.
Our next stop was the Nordstrom Rack, so that Sarah could replace the jeans she’d trashed in a drunken outing the night before. The place was packed with scary ladies and skankilly clad teenage girls. Welcome to Utah!

We pulled into our condo in late afternoon and got settled in. Ben was waiting for us. I very briefly met one of the other girls who were staying with us (friends of Sarah’s from Colorado). The other girl, I never met, for reasons that would become clear eventually.
Next, we hit the grocery store for essentials like tea and bread for toast and felt pictures to color with markers.

After a brief rest, we headed to Main Street to check out the heart of Park City. Immediately, we had a celebrity citing in the form of Nick Nolte. He was just as liquored up as when then the others saw him a few days earlier. How do I know this? Well, he was hanging his head out the window of an SUV like a puppy, gawking at the passersby. I can only hope, for his sake, that he was as tanked as he looked.
We didn’t stay out too late, as we were travel-weary and we couldn’t really get in anywhere anyway. We didn’t have the energy to stand in line and pay covers. We figured there would be plenty of time for that later.

SUNDAY
We were supposed to see a shorts program at 8:30am, one of which was written and directed by Bob Odenkirk. We had tickets and everything. The trouble was that the box office was in one direction, and didn’t open until 8am, and the theatre was in another direction. There was no way we could make it. Instead, we ate breakfast and moseyed at a country pace over to the box office to pick up the rest of our tickets. Given my lack of understanding for Utah geography (one theater was apparently a good 3 hour drive away), as well as scheduling conflicts, we had to exchange most of our limited pre-purchased tickets for vouchers. This is the first of many lessons learned about the whole festival process, should we ever decide/have reason to come back. 1) DO EXHAUSTIVE RESEARCH ON MOVIE TIMES, LOCATIONS AND PARTY SCHEDULES BEFORE LOGGING ON TO PREPURCHASE YOUR TICKETS DURING YOUR LOTTERY TIME. They don’t let you come back, or exchange for other shows, and by the time you get to Park City, everything will be sold out. You can wait in waitlist lines in case people don’t show up, of course, but who wants to do that for every show? Apparently, us.
We decided to get some lunch at a Thai restaurant. We were seated right away and the food was delicious. Sarah called us from having breakfast with her Colorado buddies. In the time it took us to head to Main Street, get tickets, find a place for lunch, sit down and get served, Sarah had been waiting to be seated and eat at another location. She joined us just as we were finishing up our delicious meal.

After we finished eating, we wandered the streets looking for free crap. There is much free crap to be had in Park City. Unfortunately, most of the GOOD stuff is allocated to people with “credentials” (i.e. filmmakers with films in the festival and actors who are recognizable). We discussed choosing celebrities we could pass for. Dom, it turns out, bares a striking resemblance to the current incarnation of Paul Giamatti. We know this because there is a picture of Mr. G in a Sundance publication and the similarities are uncanny. (side-by-side comparison forthcoming). Faye and I were really screwed, however. The closest celeb Faye could pass for is a young Jane Curtain and I a fat Thora Birch. We couldn’t think of anybody for Ben. Jacob looks just like Tom from Queer Eye, but he hadn’t arrived yet, and we were pretty sure that if we didn’t know his last name, we couldn’t pull it off anyway.

Instead we settled for the plebian freebies which included lots of magazines, mints, chap stick, vitamin supplements, sunscreen, mints, crappy DVD’s mints, coasters and mints. Everybody had a damned mint with their logo on it. Nobody in Park City had a reason for foul breath.

We also checked our email briefly at one of the free email stations. Dom came over and told me that he’d just seen Fairuza Balk upstairs. Of course, I ran upstairs to see if she was still there. I heart Fairuza. She WAS still upstairs, wandering around looking confused.

Sarah took her leave of us and then we began the exhausting task of trying to find somewhere to watch “the game”. I generally not in the least bit interested in football, but Faye and Ben wanted to watch and I wanted to drink with them. Dom came along because he is cool like that. As we wandered, we ran into someone that Ben new from a movie he was in. We chatted briefly, and continued our search, eventually finding a table in a basement bar called “Bandits”. Just then, Mark called me and I talked to him as best I could with loud sports fans shouting around me. A Denver game was just finishing up. We ordered some beer and Dom tried to order a snack, but they were apparently out of everything he wanted.

Then, the guy Ben knew walked in with his wife. The young Seattle couple, Holly and John, were also looking for a place to watch the game, so we invited them to sit with us. Everyone enjoyed the first half of the game, and then the bar owner informed us that we had to leave at half time due to a private party coming in. John went to scout another location, and came back minutes later to tell us that there was actually a small faction of Seahawks fans in the bar next door. Not only that, but there was PLENTY of room for all of us. We drank up and went next door. Indeed there was a faction, lead by a very drunk man in an Ichiro jersey (even I, a non-sports fan, can appreciate the humor in that). He was extremely excited that the amount of Seattleites in the bar had just doubled. As a show of his gratitude, he bought us all a round of “Seahawks”, a blue drink he’d just invented which looked like barbicide and tasted like cough syrup. Still, a free drink is a free drink. We muddled through them. The waitress informed us that we had to order food if we were ordering drinks. John asked her if this was one of those weird Mormon rules, and she said that it was.

To my surprise, they had a “full strength” beer menu alongside their 3.2% menu. I immediately began ordering Stelllas to make up for the urine-colored water I had been drinking previously. The rest of the game went by swimmingly, as the Seahawks kicked ass. And I found myself enjoying the camaraderie and city spirit. I’m still not a football fan, but I love Seattle, and I’m glad that such things can make my city happy.

After the game, we met up with Sarah and went to the No Name Bar. When we got to the door, the bouncer informed us that it was “one in one out” and to wait in line outside. Just then, a group of locals entered the bar. He told them the same thing. One lady loudly proclaimed “but I live here and I know ______”. He let them in. We waited patiently outside. More people saw us in line, went in anyway, and were ushered outside. Eventually, about 10 people had left, and he said we could come in. In Utah, bars are allowed to have full-strength beer if they are “private”. That means that they can charge you for a “membership” which is good for 3 weeks, and, with that membership, you can bring in up to 8 guests. Sarah bought a membership, and I guess, there was a cover as well, because Faye forked over $20 for us and we were let in. The place was standing room only, the music was loud and it was full of fratty types. It was the kind of place where, in Seattle, I would have turned right around and walked out. But we were on an adventure and we’d paid, so we stayed. Eventually, we wormed our way onto a table. Dom and Ben left and it was just us three girls. We shared the table with a gay couple for a while. They were waiting to get a “call” so that they could get into the private party at the Queer Lounge, where apparently, the year before, they’d witnessed Alan Cumming dry humping someone in a corner all night. After they got their call, the three of us had seats, and the straight men in the bar swooped in like vultures. It was alright for a while. They were gentlemanly enough and they paid for our beer. Lots and lots of beer. Faye played shuffle board with one of them. Eventually, though, new guys showed up and started getting a little pushier. I had to pull the “that’s my girlfriend” move on Sarah and we realized it was time to go. We had been drinking (albeit lots of weak beer) for 8 hours, so there was little argument on the matter. As we were gathering our stuff, I heard a guy behind me chatting up two girls. “I’m the executive producer of this movie”, he told them. I turned to see who he was. Just as I turned, I saw him point directly at me and say “and she’s the star of the movie. That guy over there, he’s in it too. So is she.” “Aha,” I though. He’s pulling the old “I’ll make you famous” scam on them. But outside the bar, Sarah gave me a postcard she’d gotten from the director of the very movie the guy was talking about. And lo and behold he WAS an executive producer. Why he told them I was in his movie is beyond me. Perhaps he was so drunk that he thought I was someone else?
We got back to the condo, I drank uncomfortable amounts of water, we carb loaded, and then went to bed.

MONDAY
Poor Faye awoke with a terrible illness. Not a hangover, mind you, but some sort of horrific, vomitous, feverish flu. She wasn’t going anywhere for a while. Sarah and Dom went to try and catch “Giant Buddha’s”. I gave Jacob a call because I realized that we had NO IDEA when he was getting in. Jacob called me back and said that he was at the SLC airport and would be at the condo in an hour.
He arrived in time for me, Jacob and Ben to catch the Q and A for “Science of Sleep”. Well, we WOULD have, had there been a Q and A. But apparently, Michel hadn’t shown up for the screening. Instead, we walked back to the condo in the snow. It was a pleasant and short walk. I picked up some fries and milk shakes for us and Faye at BK and we ate them while watching Patton Oswalt’s Comedy Central special. Laughter and grease did not help Faye feel any better, unfortunately. She was not well enough to go with us to wait in line for “Art School Confidential”.

Ben, Jacob and I agreed to wait in line for Dom and Sarah, who had just spent the morning in a line and didn’t want to do it again.

We passed the time with free magazines and Battleship on my cell phone. The 3 hours went by quickly. We managed to squeeze in to the theater and Dom and Sarah arrived JUST in time to squeeze in with us.

I really liked “Art School Confidential”. It was written by Daniel Clowes and directed by Terry Zigoff, the same team that made “Ghost World”. To me, it felt exactly like a Daniel Clowes graphic novel, with off-beat (and sharp-featured) characters, bizarre jokes and an ambiguous ending. Sure, it had some problems, but I enjoyed it nonetheless. After the movie, was, perhaps, the WORST Q and A I have ever witnessed. Questions like “you were really funny in this movie! You’re really funny! Are you going to be in anything else?” and “I would like to preface my ‘question’ with a very long, pretentious ‘insight’ into your film and then ask you something asinine that I think makes me sound intelligent and impressive.” Luckily, Clowes fielded most of the questions and he refused to pander to such inanity.

After the movie, I bolted to the bathroom. Ben, I guess, had lingered behind. I met Dom, Sarah and Jacob in the lobby. Dom was on the phone to Ben, who was telling Dom that CRISPIN GLOVER was still inside the theatre. There was a bit of confusion (by Dom) and panic (by me), as we tried to figure out what was going on and if Ben was once again going to get to meet one of my favorite people without me. Ben knew his testicles were on the line, so he snuck me back into the theater. At first, I had trouble FINDING Crispy. I was looking for an 8-foot tall pale man with black greased back hair. Instead, Ben pointed me toward a perhaps 6 foot tall tan man with light brown hair. Crispy was Hollywood. But he was still smartly dressed in a blue pinstripe suit and escorting a TINY blonde woman. I nervously approached him, told him I was very excited to meet him, that the Beaver Trilogy is one of my favorite movies, and could I trouble him for a photo. He was very cordial, agreed to the photo and asked where we were from. I told him Seattle, at which point, he plugged his “What Is It?” tour and told us to check the website for a future date in Seattle. And then he went on his merry way, and I was left in the afterglow. I wasn’t nearly as smooth as I’d imagined I’d be and I couldn’t remember any of the questions I’d always wanted to ask him, but he was clearly trying to get somewhere else and was nice enough to stop for as long as he did. And now I’m met Crispy. New MySpace photo forthcoming. Thank you, Ben, for sharing your “Jessica’s Idol” magnetism with me. I forgive you for the Joss Whedon incident.

Then we headed back to the condo. We stayed there briefly, and then Dom, Sarah, Jacob and I headed to a cast and crew party for “Crossing Arizona”. Sarah and Dom had met one of the producers in line at a previous movie. In their conversation, she discovered that the producing team was also behind the “Hedwig and the Angry Inch” documentary. Since pretty much all of us are huge Hedwig fans, the producer said we should come to their party. It was held at a Mexican restaurant in a strip mall. The drinks were free (and mixed by the crew themselves), as was the chips and salsa bar. Yum! We chatted with a bunch of people and promised to try and see their movie later in the week.
We decided to walk back to the condo, which I really enjoyed. The magic of being in a wintery wonderland still hadn’t worn off for me. Everyone else, I think, was just cold.

To be continued…

  • Calendar

    • December 2025
      M T W T F S S
      1234567
      891011121314
      15161718192021
      22232425262728
      293031  
  • Search