Film Threat Review: The Bad Lieutenant – Port of Call New Orleans

2009
Rated R
121 minutes

****

I haven’t seen the Harvey Keitel “Bad Lieutenant” from 1992 so I can’t really speak to whether Werner Herzog’s new film is a remake, a reimagining, or a whole new story with similar themes. I dislike remakes as a general rule, but in this case, I suspect it doesn’t really matter. “The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans” is a Herzog film starring Nicolas Cage, and both of these men are fully capable of putting their unique stamp on anything they touch. Hell, I couldn’t even be mad at Cage for remaking the “The Wicker Man” because his performance was so hysterically over-the-top. The beloved original film couldn’t have been further from my mind as he bounded around a pagan island in a bear suit punching old ladies. Nicolas Cage is a joy to watch, and Werner Herzog is a brilliant storyteller. It would really be hard to go wrong with such a winning pair.

After slumming it in a few roles, as he does every couple of years, Nicolas Cage returns to his top manic form as Terence McDonagh, a man who encompasses both good and bad cop. The story picks up in New Orleans right after Hurricane Katrina, where an inappropriately high-spirited McDonagh and his partner, Stevie Pruit (played by The Man Who Ate Val Kilmer), loot the lockers of their colleagues in a water-logged station. When they come across a prisoner still locked in a cell, the water rising all around him, McDonagh debates with himself for several minutes about whether or not he wants ruin his $50 underpants and make the rescue. This is our introduction to a man who is never sure who he will be from moment to moment. Eventually he does decide to jump into the sewage. This fateful decision results in a commendation and a promotion to Lieutenant as well as a back injury and a lifetime prescription to painkillers. Only McDonagh and Pruit know what a lucky break this actually was for him. To everyone else, he was selfless hero who showed unflinching bravery in the face of danger. This undeserving, yet undisputed respect is the reason he is able to become the Bad Lieutenant. It’s an origin story for a really fucked up accidental superhero.

Several years later, Lt. McDonagh has settled into a successful career as a functional drug addict, making the best of a city that’s never been able to put itself back together. He’s called to a murder scene where an entire family of Senegalese immigrants has been executed because the patriarch was dealing heroin on the wrong turf. This investigation leads to an incredible series of events, which threaten to unravel McDonagh’s structured chaos and expose his dark side.

Living up to his title, McDonagh does some pretty terrible things. Some of them are during his attempts to solve the crime, but many of them are just so that he can get his next big fix. He’ll do anything from pocketing weed during a raid to stealing from the evidence room to shaking down kids just for a hit off their pipe. Whatever gets him through the night; it’s all right. This is a man whose daily problems include needing to find some coke to counterbalance the heroin he’s accidentally just snorted. And yet, it’s impossible not to like him at least a little. He does follow a sort of drug-addled morality. He tries to help the people he cares about including his alcoholic father and his coked-up girlfriend/dealer (Eva Mendes, reunited with Cage in a sort of wacky “Ghost Rider” alternate universe). At one point, his good deeds find him on a road trip with a teenage murder witness and a dog. Through it all, his first priority is getting high and that tends to make his already sticky situations all the stickier. He never messes up when Big Brother is looking, though this may be more luck than skill. But it’s absolutely the reason he is able to carry on as he does for as long as he does.

Brad Dourif makes a delightful appearance as McDonagh’s amiably agitated bookie. It’s also great to see Jennifer Coolidge in a dramatic role for once and Fairuza Balk in any role at all. But these are just nuts on a Nicolas Cage sundae. The man is at his best when he’s playing a character at his worst. He is the affable fuck-up. It even earned him an Academy Award once.

Of course we must also give credit to the incredible direction of Werner Herzog, who successfully marries black comedy with noir. His “Bad Lieutenant” is like what would happen if Werner had Oliver Stone, Roman Polanski, Quentin Tarantino, and the Coen Brothers over for a mescaline hot tub party. Some people might think that sounds like a terrible evening. And maybe experiencing it first hand would be. But it sure is fun to watch.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com.

Film Threat Interview: Bobcat Goldthwait

Film Threat’s Jessica Baxter [Hey! That’s, me!] speaks with the pleasantly droll and endearingly self-deprecating Bobcat about his films, Catholic school, working with friends, teenagers and coming-of-age as a middle-aged man…

Bobcat Goldthwait is most widely known for his irreverent stand-up character: the awkward fellow with the self-described “Grover voice,” which he reluctantly carried over into several film roles. (He doesn’t actually talk like that. Really.) The indie film fan may also know him from cult film favorite “Shakes the Clown,” which he wrote, directed and starred in.

But these days, Bobcat has shed the Andy Kaufman-esque persona completely and resides behind the camera, directing his own scripts. 2006’s “Sleeping Dogs Lie” is a twisted, hilarious, yet extremely moving account of the repercussions of one woman’s youthful indiscretion. It also deals with family relationships and the idea that secrets are sometimes not only convenient, but completely necessary. The film was critically lauded but largely ignored.

Goldthwait followed up with the similarly themed “World’s Greatest Dad,” about a sad-sack poetry teacher (Robin Williams, a far cry from his “Dead Poet’s Society” character) named Lance. A single father, he plods through his day finding minimal consolation in his own writing and a secret affair with another teacher (Alexie Gilmore). Despite consistent failure, Lance unflinchingly attempts to reach out to his demonic son, Kyle (Daryl Sabara, “Spy Kids”), a porn-obsessed social reject with nothing but hate for everything and everyone around him. So Lance’s deceitful actions in the wake of tragedy make a kind of sense. No one could have predicted how badly his good intentions would miscarry. What follows is a witty reflection on how the general public deals with personal tragedy and how milking sympathy can backfire. This time, audiences are listening to the critics and awarding Goldthwait with long-overdue buzz.

I recently spoke with the pleasantly droll and endearingly self-deprecating Bobcat about his films, Catholic school, working with friends, teenagers and coming-of-age as a middle-aged man.

Because I live in Seattle, I love seeing the city on screen and I think it’s the perfect backdrop to a lot of stories. What made you decide to shoot “World’s Greatest Dad” in Seattle?

Um…it was cheap.

[Laughter]

You know it’s weird. It’s like usually people, when they make a movie and it’s supposed to be Seattle, they film in Vancouver and then they come to Seattle for a couple days….

Yeah. To shoot the Space Needle.

Yeah, exactly. So I was really tempted at the end of this shoot to shoot a couple exteriors in Vancouver.

[Laughter]

But you know I’m not from Seattle or anything so I wasn’t going to pretend that I was making the quintessential Seattle movie. It’s funny you said “Space Needle” because that’s one of the things I said when we were scouting the movie. I was like “I don’t want to see any shots…you’re not gonna see the Space Needle and there’s gonna be no shots of people throwing fish or shots of ferries going by and stuff like that.” Robin has fond memories of Seattle. You know, that’s, like, where he goes to work out material actually. Like at the Shoebox [cute nickname for the Showbox]. I just like the idea of making movies not in L.A. And a little bit in the back of mind was the movie “Harold and Maude.” But then I found out later on, that “Harold and Maude” was filmed in Northern California. I always thought it was filmed up in Washington or Oregon because of all the big pine trees.

Yeah. Our coastline is a little different.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was confused.

[Laughter]

Well, I definitely appreciate you not putting any of the cliché Seattle images in there. I think most audiences wouldn’t really notice [it was Seattle] unless they live here but [for locals] it’s easy to recognize the Guild 45th and Wallingford and places like that so it’s kind of exciting.

Well, it’s funny because that was something I thought about. Like I hoped the folks that lived there would get excited because for an outsider like me to go try and make, like, you know, “Singles 2” would be a mistake. You know what’s funny is that it played at the Guild so like you’re sitting there….

[Laughter]

Can you describe your writing process for “World’s Greatest Dad” and also for “Sleeping Dogs Lie”?

Yeah, the last two movies were kind of written the same way although I think “Sleeping Dogs Lie” was written…um…I was probably on the road doing standup. But that one was really fast. Like, I wrote that in 3 days and then “World’s Greatest Dad” was written in about 5 days. But each time I…I kind of have these ideas for different movies germinating in my head and then I go to a chain quality hotel and I try to write, like, a 2 page short story version of the movie and then I just sit down and write the movie. I write them really fast. But my detractors would probably say they wished I spent an extra day or two on ‘em.

[Laughs] As someone whose been working on the same screenplay for the last 2 years, I’m really impressed that you can crank something that great out in 5 days.

Oh, thanks. That’s really sweet. But you know I have plenty that I am very frustrated with, you know? I think these are easier to write fast because they’re kind of personal stories and then these other movies that I have…it’s been harder to finish em, you know? I’ve been working on a spree killer movie for a while and trying to get that finished. And I’ve been writing a musical based on a Kinks album.

Wow! Can you tell me more about that? That sounds amazing.

Uh…it’s a Kinks album that was in the 70’s. I don’t know Ray Davies and I had a meeting with him. And I really sweated a whole bunch when I was talking to him because I was such an idiot. And then he went and watched “World’s Greatest Dad” and he gave me the thumbs up to make it. He said, “Who would go see this?” because it’s an album and…it is a concept album. And it’s set in a high school and he said, “Who would go see this movie?” and I said “Well, all the kids that fuckin’ hate High School Musical” and he kind of smiled and I think that won him over.

I don’t think anyone in actual high school watches “High School Musical.”

Yeah I think its kids that aren’t in high school and creepy pederasts…I like to think it’s a creepy pederast as if there’s other kinds of pederasts.

[Laughs] The really sweet, amiable ones.

Yeah…the charitable pederasts.

So both “World’s Greatest Dad” and “Sleeping Dogs Lie” deal with secrets and their repercussions. And you’d mentioned that they’re personal stories. Does that mean you have a lot of experience dealing with the repercussions of secrets?

You know, I didn’t realize that either of these movies were so close to me until after I finished them. In fact some things about them I didn’t notice until I was watching ‘em or had other people point out who the people are in the movie. But um…you would think that I’m like this really…I think I am really nervous about people and things which is really strange because when you meet me I’m somewhat social. But I don’t have any deep dark secrets. I don’t know why I’m so terrified. I don’t know. I think it goes all the way back to…it’s almost like the fear of being called on in school. It’s almost like the same fear that these characters have. I don’t know.

Did you always sit in the back row?

Yeah, man. I never had my homework and if I did it was pretty poorly done.

So you went to Catholic school. Is that where your fascination with taboo subjects stems?

I think it really helped. It’s funny, you know, I brought up school and then you brought it up. Um…I think that, yeah, it’s a really weird thing to put into a kid that, you know, your thoughts can send you to hell, which is really crazy if you have an imagination. So, yeah I’m sure that’s where some of the stuff stems from.

Catholicism is pretty imaginative in and of itself. But I guess you’re not really allowed to deviate from that story.

Now, were you raised Catholic?

I was. And I also went to Catholic School.

Did you go the whole time?

Um…From 6th to 12th grade so a pretty long time.

Oh my god! Wow. Wow. Yeah…Tom Kenney whose Sponge Bob and I went to Catholic school together. Like, we met when we were 6 and we graduated high school together.

So he must have felt a bit of catharsis from being on “Mr. Show” after that.

Who, Tommy? You know Jill, his wife, too was on “Mr. Show.” They both showed up in little tiny roles in “World’s Greatest Dad.” But being around them and filming with them, because I do see Tom and Jill a lot now, made me want to work [with them] on a bigger scale.

You used a lot of great supporting actors like Toby Huss (“King of the Hill,” “Carnivàle”). Are they all your friends or are they people you admired and wanted to work with?

Most of ‘em are my friends. Like Toby…I just got off the phone with him. But most of ‘em are my friends. Like, Morgan Murphy is another friend of mine and she shows up in the movie. I work with a lot of friends who are talented. Cause I do have friends that don’t have talent so I don’t put them in the movie. But I wish someday I could write like a really big Robert Altman movie so everybody could be in it together. Because I really think Alexie’s really great who was playing against Robin and I also think Melinda [Page Hamilton, “Sleeping Dogs Lie”] was really great in the last movie. I wish I could write a bigger movie and be able to work with everybody.

You mentioned that people had pointed out similarities between the characters in your movies and people in your actual family. So are any of your family members mad at you right now?

No…during “Sleeping Dogs Lie,” it was actually at the Toronto Film Festival, my older brother Tommy actually passed away since then…but we were watching “Sleeping Dogs Lie” at the Toronto Film Festival and my sisters were there with me and in the middle of the movie my sister leans down and she goes “Tommy’s gonna kill you”. I do borrow a lot from people I know and sometimes from my own life but not necessarily the events. Like I don’t know anyone that experimented with bestiality or auto-erotic asphyxiation. It’s more like I kind of write with people that I know in mind and how they would react to certain situations.

You’ve said that you didn’t have Robin Williams in mind when you wrote “World’s Greatest Dad” but that when he read it he told you he wanted to play Lance. What specifically drew him to that role?

You know what I did find out that I didn’t know initially was that he was reading it because he thought he’d help me out and play a small role. Like he would play a small role and help me get the movie financed. But…I don’t know what drew him to it. I do know that he liked the other movie a lot. I do think that the character is very similar to both he and I where as middle-aged men we kinda had to grow some balls and change our lives a lot. And this movie is a coming-of-age story, for me, of a middle-aged man. You know, usually when you see a coming-of-age story…usually the cut-off point is mid-twenties. But sometimes it takes some of us a lot longer to grow up.

Kyle is kind of a nightmare kid with no redeeming qualities. Where did the inspiration for his character come from or was that just necessary to make the plot work?

I think a lot of it was necessary to make the plot work, that there was nothing redeemable about him at all. It was exactly what you hit on. It was to make the plot work. But the funny thing is that even though the character is so horrible, I think Daryl is such a strong actor that people still were kind of drawn to him. Kinda just before he uh…well, at this point people know what the movie is about…Just before he dies I think people start warming up to Daryl’s character which is pretty funny.

Yeah, that definitely happened to me. When he’s giving his dad the pep talk to hit that shit.

[Laughter]

But also, he’s kind of right when he calls out Miss Reed as being a phony. Is there purposefully a little Holden Caulfield in there or was that a lucky guess on his part?

You know, I don’t know why I wrote that. But it is a little Holden Caulfield. I don’t know why we wrote it and I don’t know why it’s in the movie but for some reason it actually kind of works. It’s kind of weird that he is perceptive. I think when I wrote it I kind of thought of it as he hates everything. But for some reason it does work when he is that perceptive about that.

A lot of people had friends in high school that they didn’t particularly like but they hung out with anyway. How did Kyle and Andrew become friends?

I think Kyle is horrible and invisible to most of the school. Like if they did know him they hated him. But I think Andrew actually has no friends because he’s really kind of shy. That’s what I had in mind in my head. I don’t think he’s, like, a bad kid. I just think he’s super painfully shy. So I think that it’s almost out of necessity that he hangs out with Kyle because he is the only person that will give him the time of day.

Would he have stayed friends with Kyle or eventually moved on?

I hope other people would learn to appreciate Andrew and he would start getting different friends.

When you first became a father, did you worry that your kid would grow up to be someone that you didn’t like?

Sure. Yeah. You know, your biggest fears…[laughs]…I don’t know. Uh…none of the things that I worried about with my daughter came true. Your biggest fears are that they’re going to be a drug addict mess or some kind of whore or something like that.

[Laughter]

And then the things you never see coming are the things that come true. But it all ended up OK. I think the biggest mistake people make…and I’m not breaking any ground by saying this…but I think the biggest mistake is people who…well, it’s really common in L.A. where people want to be considered the cool parent or the hip mom or the friend of the kid. And I never, never wanted that. My only expectation was I was trying to be a good dad, hopefully. And now the bi-product of that is my daughter and I are actually really good friends. She shot the making-of behind the scenes of the movie and stuff so…I was really happy that they came out well and Magnolia bought it and put it on the DVD. Cuz I didn’t give her any notes. It’s very cool. It’s kinda DIY. It captures the feeling of what it was like to be on the set.

Is she working on becoming a filmmaker too?

Yeah, yeah! She just got a job. She’s in Massachusetts working with an Irish television company and they’re doing a series on the Kennedys so she’s working in the camera department on that.

Do you think you’ll work together again and maybe collaborate on a bigger project?

Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah.

You’ve said that you’re most comfortable when you’re making people feel awkward but your last two movies seem to be about finding the relatable in uncomfortable situations. Do you perhaps have a secret desire to make people comfortable with the taboo or would you be disappointed if you could no longer make people feel weird?

[Laughs] Well, I’m not trying to make people feel comfortable with the taboo because I don’t want…I’m not asking for acceptance of bestiality or these topics. I think they’re just tiny things in the story. And what I’m really asking of people is…these movies are really about kindness and acceptance. Although I do think everything is pretty dark. And the older I get I realize I have less and less in common with people. I used to think I had a lot in common with everybody. And then I realized I have less and less in common with people. I don’t know why I’m being so honest right now, but yeah. It’s funny…in our culture athletes are really considered more important and I was thinking about how, like, if a kid dies in school and he was on a team, they’ll go, “It’s such a shame he died. He was such a good student. He was a really great athlete.” And they never go, “It’s such a shame he died. He was a really good student and he was great in drama.” As if your kid is into anything other than sports they’re less than, you know? So the older I get, I think the audience I’m reaching out to is a lot smaller.

As someone who feels pretty much alone in not following organized sports I completely relate. I’ve had to learn to tolerate some sports just because they’re always on and my husband and friends are really into it.

I know. It’s a really weird thing about our culture. Here I am now a middle-aged guy and I’m identifying the different things in my life that I don’t…I’m like, “Oh boy, jocks really do ruin everything.” It’s just weird because as a comedian I had popularity and now I’m realizing that I didn’t have a lot in common with a lot of people who have been paying my bills all these years.

[Laughter]

So, I absolutely loved “Sleeping Dogs Lie” but I’ve had a hard time selling it to other people just based on the plot description. And it seems like the marketing department had similar difficulties in light of the title change [from “Stay”] and the misleading cover art. How would you have marketed it differently?

Well, the title had to change because there was a Mark Forrester film named “Stay.” And I wish it stayed the other name. But there’s two different covers. And one makes it look like a porn movie.

Yeah, I think that’s the one I have.

There’s like, a hot piece of ass and a drooling dog and every time I see that I get so upset. I have one fantasy, which is that if I ever was a successful filmmaker that people would go back and try to put a more accurate DVD cover on that box. And what I think is funny is that image, the shot between the woman’s legs, is on a million DVD covers. It’s the equivalent of the guy peaking over the sunglasses in the 80’s. There’s a ton of people with that artwork. But I do believe it’s hard selling these products. There’s two things…Well, there’s a couple things. One: it’s got my name involved, so I come with some baggage. The people who are familiar with me think “Police Academy” and all that kind of crap. And then if you hear about these topics I think you think they’re gonna be broad and silly comedies or outrageous slob comedies and then they’re not so it’s really hard.

I think that’ll change with all the buzz that “World’s Greatest Dad” is getting.

Well, I hope people go back and give “Stay” a shot. That would make me happy.

Do you think that people are responding more to “World’s Greatest Dad” because of the themes or because of Robin Williams? What do you think they’re responding to as opposed to “Sleeping Dogs Lie” which was well reviewed but definitely didn’t get the same kind of buzz.

Of course I think Robin’s attachment helps make it more accessible for folks. I think it’s funny that Alexie, who was in “World’s Greatest Dad,” didn’t see “Sleeping Dogs Lie” and then she called me up crying. She was like [mock sobs] “I just watched that movie…”

[Laughter]

You’ve indicated that you’re kind of over acting and stand-up and have referred to them as more of a paycheck than an artistic outlet at this point. Do you think you’ll ever find a passion for them again?

I will say that I do have an interest in stand-up again which has to do with the fact that I just kind of told myself that even though it’s a very dependable crutch that I had to jettison the character and the persona that people know me for. So I’ve been doing sets going up as myself and that makes it a little more interesting again. Because it’s the first time that I’m nervous and working on it so that’s exciting. Acting? No. I think I’m a pretty bad actor. I think I’m pretty corny. So I really want to concentrate on writing and directing and those two things…That’s really what excites me a lot right now…I was really phoning it in for many years is what I’m saying.

[Laughter]

You’ve often joked about giving up on creativity and making movies with Kate Hudson. Is her brand of romantic comedy the pinnacle of bad cinema for you?

It’s just like…her as my go-to bunt of what I consider everything wrong in movies is that…I don’t know what it is. There’s just something that’s super insincere about it that drives me crazy. I’ve always been waiting to hear from her people. Or to run into her in a Whole Foods grocery store and have her pissed off and say, “Why do you make fun of me?”

[Laughter]

[Pause]

Well, that’s all the questions I have, actually.

[Laughs]

I’m sorry I couldn’t think of anything better to end on.

Well, I’m really trying to just finish up some more screenplays and get up and started all over again. That’s what my goal is.

I’m excited about the Kinks movie. That sounds terrific. I think there’s a need for more edgy musicals.

Yeah, I’ll see if I can pull it off. I really hope I can con somebody into giving me money to make it.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

Film Threat Review: He-Man & The Masters of the Universe (2002)

2009
Rated G
127 minutes

**

What do you remember most about He-Man™? The scantily clad cartoons? The hodgepodge of literally-monikered villains like Beast Man™ and Mer Man™? That annoying and incompetent flying Jawa, Orko™? Personally, I remember the moral lessons at the end of every episode because they’re the reason my mom let…nay, insisted on me watching the show. In the 80’s, the babysitter in a box was born. And it did more than entertain. It taught kids lessons. Important lessons that parents didn’t have time to teach themselves. Things like cooperation, reserving judgment and consumerism.

Speaking of consumerism, what’s the best way to get a new generation interested in old toys? Why, a cartoon remake, of course. “He-Man and the Masters of the Universe” was remounted in 2002 in order to promote a “new” line of Mattel He-Man™ toys. The producers claimed it was a “fresh take on the retro classic.” But it’s about as fresh as a box of Velveeta. Not much has changed. All the familiar characters are still here and as single-faceted as ever. I’m pretty sure it’s just about the money. That would explain all the trademarks on the DVD box.

The series starts out going back. Way back to when Skeletor™ was called Keldor and still had a face. He was defeated by Prince Adam’s™ father, scalded himself with some sort of mystical acid and banished behind an impenetrable wall. Ever since, he and his cronies have been trying to find a way back into Eternia™ so that they can, you know, rule the world and whatnot.

Flash-forward to present day, where young, wiry Prince Adam™ spars with Teela™ (minus the Tequila), his childhood friend and the daughter of Man-At-Arms™. She is basically kicking his ass and taunting him. And on his 16th birthday, no less. Clumsy, unreliable and a little dim, he’s pretty much a disappointment to everyone. That is, until Skeletor™ discovers a way to penetrate the impenetrable wall. It’s then that Man-At-Arms™ takes Prince Adam™ to Castle Greyskull™ and reveals his destiny. Even though the King already has a pretty decent security staff and plenty of specially-abled forces to protect his kingdom, and even though Teela™ is quite battle-savvy herself, the useless Prince has a destiny. Royalty never has to earn anything.

So anyway, the Sorceress who lives in the castle gives Prince Adam™ the Sword of Omens…I mean, the Power Sword™, and he’s transformed from a 90-pound weakling into The Most Powerful Man in the Universe™. Likewise, his enormous cowardly tiger is transformed into Battle Cat™. And thus, He-Man™ saves the day.

Of course, with great power comes great responsibility. So Prince Adam™ can’t tell anyone he’s He-Man™ and has to go on pretending he’s incompetent, lest he “put his loved ones in danger.” This line of reasoning makes sense in present day New York, but not as much in a magical land where Skeletor’s™ main target is the King, Prince Adam’s™ father. It seems like his loved ones are already in constant danger. But whatevs.

Those familiar with original show might find some novelty in seeing all the characters they remember. But that wears off quickly, right around the time Orko™ botches his bazillionth spell and makes a mess. The lessons are still present at the end of each episode, which would make my mother happy. In fact, the only really discernable difference between this series and the original is the hair. Gone is He-Man’s™ girly pageboy haircut, replaced with a nice, tousled shorter do. Also, the non-super Prince Adam™ remains skinny and useless, squeaking at everyone in his pre-pubescent timber and not so much suspiciously resembling the all-powerful beefcake, He-Man™. This certainly makes the secret identity hiding a bit more plausible.

Though plausibility is the least of the show’s problems. The plot lines are cliché. The battle one-liners are as cheesy as ever and the whole thing takes itself way too seriously. That’s really saying something for a program with a character named Ram Man™. If they hadn’t already, they lost me during the episode in which they attempted to make Orko™ seem relevant.

The DVD box set includes all 39 episodes of the series on 4 discs. If that’s not enough, you can delve further into 12 audio commentaries, interviews with artists and scripts for every episode. There’s also a PDF comic book for the un-produced 40th episode for people who just love to read on their television.

If you’re a kid, well, I have no idea if you’re going to like this reHe-Mangining (sorry). Kids are fickle. If I knew what kids wanted, I’d be a millionaire. I can, however, speak for adults. Particularly adults who grew up in the 80’s. And I’m sorry to say that even a couple pulls on your Tall Boy or puffs from your water pipe aren’t really going to make this an entertaining show. I’d suggest looking up the old show on YouTube. Or, better yet, getting the Thundercats DVD. That shit is HILARIOUS.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

Film Threat Review: Good Hair

2009
PG
95 minutes

****

Like every American girl, I had a hard time coming to terms with my hair. It’s profoundly straight. Couldn’t be any straighter. It laughs at a flattening iron as if to say, “Anything you can do, I can do better.” It didn’t help my self-esteem that my mother spent the first 12 years of my life trying to make my hair into something it wasn’t. I became very familiar with curling and crimping irons, hot rollers and overnight curlers. There were even a few perms in there. The thing is I probably wouldn’t have thought anything was wrong with my hair if my mother hadn’t been so adamant about trying to make it look “nice.”

It doesn’t appear that there has been any improvement in hair confidence for little girls. If anything, it’s gotten worse. When Chris Rock’s three-year-old daughter asked him “Daddy, why don’t I have good hair?” he was gobsmacked. How do you answer that question when the concept of “good hair” is so nebulous? Why isn’t the hair that nature gave you good enough? In the documentary, “Good Hair,” Rock enters the profoundly lucrative world of hair care in an attempt to answer his daughter’s loaded, near-heartbreaking question.

Rock narrows down the quest by honing in on the African-American hair world. What he finds is astounding. From conventions and styling competitions to the black market of weaves, there is big money (and celebrity) in hair care. He follows the four finalists in the Bronner Brothers Hair Show, as they prepare for their sensational circus-like performances cutting hair live on stage. He also traces the two most profitable products in African-American beautification back to their roots: Relaxer and weaves.

The key ingredient to Relaxer is sodium hydroxide, a highly toxic chemical that, when inhaled over long periods of time, causes permanent lung damage. You should see what the concentrated form does to a chicken breast and a soda can. Yet both men and women use it to straighten their hair. Once you start, it’s hard to stop. That’s why they call it “The Creamy Crack.”

Though it doesn’t have a street name, the weave is the biggest business of all. Women will pay upwards of $1000 to sew someone else’s hair onto their heads. They’ll forgo the rent so they can meet societal standards of beauty. The beauty industry isn’t the only one profiting from it either. Human hair is India’s largest export, garnered from a common sacrificial ritual in the Hindu church.

In addition to the socio-economic impact, “Good Hair” also explores how hair care affects the African-American community in confidence (both personal and race-related), romantic relationships and every day life. Celebrities like Ice-T, Salt n’ Peppa, Maya Angelou and Rev. Al Sharpton hilariously weigh in on this complex and clandestine business.

And you need the jokes because without them, the whole thing is kind of a tragedy. Maya Angelou points out that, “Hair is a woman’s glory. You share it with your family. You breed it.” But very few seem to abide by that philosophy. Chris Rock interviews a group of high school girls, most of whom have weaves, who explain that a woman just won’t be taken seriously in a job interview if they walk in with an afro. A little girl, who admits she hates having her hair relaxed, says that she thinks everyone should still go through with it because “you’re supposed to.” It’s not just women that feel the pressure. Ice-T and, more famously, Al Sharpton both succumbed to the Creamy Crack.

Though the film focuses on African-American hair, the theme is universal. While African-American women pay thousands of dollars to make their hair straighter and lighter, us crackers (or at least our mothers) are trying to make our hair curlier and bouncier. The hair is always prettier on the other side. I did finally embrace my straight hair and found a natural style that works for me. But that doesn’t mean I’m a free spirit. Just ask my box of hair dye.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct). 

Film Threat Review: Whip It

2009
PG-13
111 minutes

***

At first, I thought “Whip It” was a misleading title. In light of the the fast-paced, smash-happy trailers, they would have you believe that it’s all about hardcore chicks beating the crap out of each other and partying hard. But the film’s actually about relationships. Not the hip relationship between Ellen Page’s character, Bliss, and her Urban Outfitters boyfriend, but real relationships: the kind that real teenagers have with their best friends when they’ve been close forever and can hardly imagine a life apart, the sort of tempestuous interactions that only a teenage girl can have with her mother and that a girl feels when her father chooses to play Switzerland in life-or-death social matters. Don’t worry, fellas. There are still plenty of hot babes on roller skates. But those skates also serve as vehicles for a fairly realistic and rather poignant coming-of-age story.

Ellen Page plays Bliss, a 17-year-old girl in a small Texas town who is starting to grow tired of being her mother’s dress-up doll in local beauty pageants. When she’s not going through the motions with the debutants, she works alongside her best friend, Pash (“Arrested Development’s” Alia Shawkat) at a BBQ joint, counting down the days till she can get the hell out of town. One day, while shoe shopping in Austen with her mother and sister, she encounters a carefree group of Roller Derby girls and is immediately smitten. After she and Pash attend a game, Bliss decides to try out for an opening on underdog team, the Hurl Scouts. She’s clumsy but fast and somehow manages to make the cut. So yeah, there’s a bit of the underdog story you expect, complete with progress montage and hipster soundtrack. But there’s also much, much more.

I did not expect to like this movie. Ellen Page is generally a one-dimensional actress who tends to rely on her forehead to convey emotions. But she was surrounded by an able-bodied supporting cast and given such terrific material. I barely noticed her puppy-dog pout. Kristen Wiig, always hilarious, is very effective as the unexpected voice of reason. Marcia Gay Harden and Daniel Stern put in empathetic performances as Bliss’ multi-layered parents. Alia Shawkat (who would have made a better lead) steals her scenes with the jokes and drama alike.

There are a lot of surprises in “Whip It.” Just when you think you know where it’s going, they throw in a curve ball. Bliss’ pageant-obsessed mother is not a stereotypical former debutante and housewife. She works hard at her job and simply wants her daughter to have success the only way she knows how. Bliss does fall for a cute boy, but her story never becomes about the boy. He’s incidental in her quest for independence. Bliss has a lot of lies to juggle and you know that they will all blow up eventually, but the way it plays out is unexpected. The villainous Iron Maiven (Juliette Lewis), from rival team, The Holy Rollers, is not purely evil. Though she makes things hard for Bliss, she still follows a sort of Roller Girl Code. Even the outcomes of the games are never certain. Things are not black and white here. Like the bruises the girls don as badges of honor, everything is in full, brutal color.

The more I think about it, I can see how the title fits. “Whip It” doesn’t just refer to whipping around the track or whipping ass. It’s about a girl who must whip herself into shape and grow up. It sounds trite as a tag line, but when Bliss learns to be her own hero, she becomes a better person. Not just a literal and metaphorical ass-kicker, but also a mature young lady who sees her parents as human beings rather than oppressive wardens. This is a movie that every teenage girl needs to see. Well done, Drew Barrymore. I really didn’t know you had it in you. Also, thanks for sticking to the sidelines, acting-wise. That really helped.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com.

Film Threat Review: The Informant!

2009 
Rated R
108 minutes

****

Prolific and varied best describes Steven Soderbergh’s career. “Sex, Lies and Videotape,” “Out of Sight” and “The Limey” are all compelling character pieces. “Traffic” and “Erin Brockovich” are preachy Oscar-pandering (but hey, it worked) and the “Oceans” movies are gimmicky commercial fare. “The Informant!” falls in line with his character-driven early work. It’s not a perfect film, but it’s definitely the Soder-side I prefer.

Matt Damon proves once again that he was the more talented of the Beantown Twins. He’s virtually unrecognizable in the role of whistle blower, Mark Whitacre, and it’s not because he “bravely” gained weight for the part (though I’m sure the Academy is salivating at gesture). You can still recognize the matinee idol underneath the chub, but he’s pulling off something that few of his contemporaries are capable of. He buries the celebrity persona deep inside the character, in this case, the mind of a manic-depressive mid-western geek who fancies himself a secret agent.

“The Informant!” is the true-ish story of a scientist-turned-executive working for an agribusiness firm that makes corn additives for foods. Whitacre becomes involved with the FBI when he reveals that his company has been involved in price-fixing. He is suspiciously cooperative when they ask him to wear a wire. Before long, Whitacre’s enthusiasm takes over. He fancies himself a character in a John Grisham novel. The spy-music score echoes the fantasies that Whitacre weaves in his head. Eventually, we learn that his self-delusion goes deeper than anyone had ever imagined.

I love an unreliable narrator, and Mark Whitacre’s voiceover is about as unreliable as they come, thus eliminating the usual trappings, such as tedious over-exposition. His narration is more stream-of-consciousness than informational. Most of the time, his thoughts are only loosely connected to what’s happening around him. His brain spouts factoids about animals and comes up with ideas for TV shows when he’s in the middle of a conversation. So when he repeatedly tells the FBI agents “There’s something I haven’t told you guys,” the revelations are as much a surprise to the audience as they are to the other characters. This keeps things interesting in what could have easily been a dry corporate corruption story. There is a definite Coen Brothers-esque lightness to the whole thing.

The supporting cast is also excellent. It’s refreshing to see Melanie Lynskey returning to the meatier fare that launched her career. Scott Bakula, Joel McHale and Thomas F. Wilson (Biff!) also turn in terrific performances. Where the film suffers is in the editing. The story feels a bit repetitive at times and could have been tightened up. The retro titles and music are an interesting but not entirely appropriate choice for a film that begins in 1992. Many of the jokes work, but occasionally, they are just a little too cutesy for their own good. For the most part, however, “The Informant!” earns the charisma that the title’s exclamation point implies.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com.

Film Threat Review: Baby on Board

2009
Rated R
95 minutes

*

In these trying times, it’s difficult to say what the world needs. But I can tell you what the world didn’t need. And that is a little film called “Baby on Board.” I suspect the pitch meeting went a little something like this: “It’s ‘Baby Boom’ as directed by the Farrelly Brothers. A successful businesswoman accidentally gets knocked up. It’s something the ladies can relate to but we also throw in that D.J. from ‘Northern Exposure’ to make lots of poon jokes so the dudes don’t get bored.” Green means go!!

Heather Graham plays Angela, the businesswoman in question who must impress her hardass boss (the barely recognizable Lara Flynn Boyle, puffy in the face and nowhere else), by selling a perfume for pregnant ladies to the Japanese. Angela’s husband, Curtis (Jerry O’Connell), is a lawyer with a guilty streak regarding his knack for finding the loopholes in pre-nups. He really wants to start a family but Angela isn’t sure she’s ready. Her best friend Sylvia’s kids are assholes. (What if her kids are assholes?) Plus, she might have a very successful perfume career ahead of her if only she could stop farting and ruining presentations.

Meanwhile, Curtis’ best friend, Danny (husband to Sylvia), is going through the ultimate mid-life crisis – in that he can’t stop getting blowjobs from hookers. He’s not apologetic, and he doesn’t make any attempts to hide it from his wife. He also tries to coerce Curtis into the whole hooker/blowjob scene whenever possible. I take it Danny is supposed to be the comic relief, but most of his jokes involve telling his wife she’s ugly and unfuckable and he would rather get it from a prostitute. That’s more mean than funny.

Things get really hairy when Angels discovers she’s pregnant just as she begins to suspect Curtis of cheating on her with a client. Astute viewers may have seen this coming because Angela can’t stop farting or puking. She does both constantly, leading one to conclude that the writers, never having met a real pregnant lady, did all their script research on Yahoo Answers. To further complicate matters, Curtis decides Angela must have cheated on him because he has been “double bagging” so there’s no way that baby is his. They have a Three’s Company argument in which neither party actually says what’s bothering them, leading them to assume the worst. What follows is a madcap series of misunderstandings. Will these two ever work it out? What about those other two? Whatever! Probably!

In a nutshell, this is what we can learn from “Baby on Board”: All men are pigs and all women are crazy because they spend all their time wondering if their pig husbands are cheating on them. Half the time, they’re right. But it’s only because some men don’t know how to express love. Also, when you’re pregnant, you fart and puke a lot, but it’s still possible to hold down a job. There. I just saved you 95 minutes of your life. Time enough to get a blowjob from a prostitute! You’re welcome.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

Film Threat Review: Reunion

 

2009
Un-rated
12 minutes

*

“Reunion,” which tells what the lives of those lost during the Columbine tragedy might have been like, is eye-rollingly corny. I’m sorry, dudes. It is.

This is the sort of movie review that makes people think I have a big black hole of hate where my heart should be. I promise I don’t. What happened at Columbine was indeed horrific, and I’m absolutely not belittling that tragedy. It’s terrible when anyone dies, let alone young people with their whole lives ahead of them. But “Reunion,” which tells what the lives of those lost might have been like had they not been snuffed out on that fateful day, is eye-rollingly corny. I’m sorry, dudes. It is.

With the gimmick of a 10-year high school reunion, the film is (mercifully, I suspect) sparse on dialogue and uses flashbacks set to music to show the alternate future/past that the 13 victims would have had. Mislaid careers include a pilot, a biologist, a famous singer, and a novelist. Apparently, everyone would have been very successful, the Columbine shooting being the only thing standing in the way of a full and happy existence for all. Hilariously, in this idealized version of events, the teacher who was killed would have spent a couple more years inspiring students and then still dying before the 10 year mark. Maybe he had a terminal disease that I’m unaware of but, if not, it’s a strange choice for an otherwise rosy-colored parallel universe. And then the reveal we all knew was coming: None of this happened. These people are all dead because two jerks decided to play “Doom” with real guns.

The heavy-handedness and cheese with which “Reunion” illustrates this point makes it feel more like a report on “Inside Edition” than a tribute film. We all know it was an awful day. The victims were cheated out of a future and the rest were left to try and make sense of a senseless act. It never should have happened. But why revisit it in such a trite way? If you don’t have anything insightful to say, why say anything at all? Leave the dead to rest in peace.

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

Film Threat Review: Run! Bitch Run!

2009
Un-rated
90 minutes
Freak Show Entertainment

***

There’s no question about what director Joseph Guzman was going for with “Run! Bitch Run!” He aimed to make a 70’s-style sexploitation film and that’s precisely what he accomplished. Quentin Tarantino and Rob Zombie would be proud. If sex (well, mostly rape), drugs, and constant bleeding aren’t your bag, you’d best stay the hell away from this film. If you like a bit of the ultraviolence, however, read on.

“Run! Bitch Run!” follows two Catholic teenagers who are on a mission to sell religious paraphernalia and raise money for their school. It’s not a bad idea, actually. If anyone’s going to sell bibles to heathens, it’s young girls in a shorter-than-regulation plaid skirt. In true Catholic schoolgirl fashion, one of them is just a little slutty. Unfortunately, the townspeople of Mosely (a tribute to Bill, perhaps?) don’t see it that way. The girls are met with profanity, slammed doors, shotguns, and a punk kid who rips them off. And those are the nice folk. Their persistence is punished when they knock on the door of Lobo’s brothel just as he’s blowing a hole into the head of a disobedient whore. What happens to them next is bloodier and more sinister than the brimstoneiest pages in the Old Testament.

Rest assured, as the poster indicates, there’s also payback. Hell hath no fury like a Catholic schoolgirl disillusioned. But before the payback, there is MUCH scorn. Lobo isn’t the only bad wolf in the den. There’s also Marla, a whore with an insatiable libido and a nasty habit of killing her customers, and Clint, a meek but violent lackey. Marla also has a bit of a Lady MacBeth complex. It seems these three have seen “The Devil’s Rejects” one too many times.

Speaking of, fans of Rob Zombie’s work might notice a few convenient parallels (“Run rabbit, run,” anyone?), but it’s not an overt rip-off by any means. “House of 1000 Corpses” and “Devil’s Rejects” are more of an homage to films of that era, while “Run, Bitch Run!” could easily be mistaken as the real deal. Guzman and Robert James Hayes aren’t quite as effective as Zombie at writing compelling evil characters or memorable dialog, but that actually gives “Run! Bitch Run!” more authenticity. You’ll never find yourself endeared to Marla and Lobo as you might Baby or Captain Spalding. Thus, the revenge portion of the narrative is all the more satisfying. The gore effects are terrific and there’s good use of pacing, which is key in a story with so many rape and torture scenes. The cinematography also deserves a mention as they’ve deftly captured the lovely, warm, 70’s film look. “Run! Bitch Run!” may not be a repeat-viewer, but it’s absolutely worth a first look.

 

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

Film Threat Review: Perfect Hideout

2009
Un-rated
90 minutes
Zeitsprung Entertainment

**

Nick is a dim-witted, petty felon in the German crime biz. All he wants is to take his equally dim girlfriend, Celia, to the States for a fresh start. But it’s never that easy, is it? Before he leaves town, he must pay off some unseen crime boss with an undisclosed amount of money…or else! In a moment of desperation, Nick decides to rob a gas station and accidentally shoots a cop in the process. Now on the run from pretty much everybody, Nick and Celia decide to hide out in a mansion and take the owner, Victor von Hartenberg (Billy Zane!!!), hostage. Unbeknownst to them, Victor’s German accent is shoddy for a reason. Victor is not who he says and his family isn’t “just at dinner.” Now, under siege by a motley Special Forces Unit and trapped in a house with a madman, Nick and Celia begin to second-guess the safety of their “Perfect Hideout.”

With such a plot and the presence of Billy Zane, it’s difficult to imagine where they could go wrong. But wrong they went. Their biggest mistake was not marketing this thing as a crime thriller spoof because it is damned funny and I’m certain that was not their intension. Sure, there are lines that are clearly jokes (Nick and Celia’s constant bickering, for instance) and Zane hams it up like his name is Virginia. But when a Special Forces guy shouts things like, “It’ll be a massacre!” and “That’s madness,” I don’t think we’re supposed to laugh. It’s a shame too, because if director Stephen Manuel owned the inherent comedy in the script, he may have really had something. With a few dialog tweaks and a different directing style, we could have had the “Tropic Thunder” of crime thrillers.

By way of example, take this exchange between the arcane European Special Forces Officer who is now in charge and the inexplicably American Special Forces Officer who was formerly in charge. They are discussing the identity of the man they think Nick is holding hostage:

Euro Boy: Do you have any idea who this man is?!

G.I. Joe: An important private banker.

Euro Boy: …AND serious political heavyweight!

This, my friends, is comedy gold. But gems like this are squandered; as Manuel clearly thought he was making “Die Hard.” Like Gina Gershon in “Showgirls” before him, Billy Zane is the only one who knows what kind of movie he’s in, and decides to make the best of it. You know a movie is flawed when you desperately want the bad guy to win. Not the protagonist reluctant criminals mind you, but the absolute antagonist with no redeeming character value whatsoever. At best, “Perfect Hideout” is the Billy Zane Show. At worst, it’s a schizophrenic, silly pile of Eurotrash. If only Stephen Manuel had listened to his friend Billy Zane.

 

Originally posted on FilmThreat.com (now defunct).

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